<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Don't Be a Stranger by stranestelle</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26988619">Don't Be a Stranger</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/stranestelle/pseuds/stranestelle'>stranestelle</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Complicated Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, Deception, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Manipulation, Post-Episode: s04e15 Deception, also this is probably at least semi -, because the premise is fairly bonkers, but again we treat crack SERIOUSLY in this house, but have always wished they were just slightly more complex AND ridiculous, identity theft, if you love overly complex palpatine plans, is not a joke jim, millions of families suffer every year, palpatine complicating already complicated relationships, so be prepared for heaps of angst, then this story is for you</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:13:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,589</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26988619</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/stranestelle/pseuds/stranestelle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the wake of the Rako Hardeen operation, Palpatine gives Obi-Wan a taste of his own medicine and replaces him with an impostor... because he can. And also because he could really use a spy on the Jedi Council. Oh, and also because he wants to make sure that the aftermath of this debacle is the final nail in the coffin of the trust between him and Anakin, and not something that accidentally brings them closer together.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anakin Skywalker &amp; Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi &amp; Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Sheev Palpatine &amp; Anakin Skywalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>131</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>164</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Better the Devil You Know</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello dear reader and welcome! &lt;3 basically this story is pretty much exactly what it says on the tin,  however if you want to, uh,  prepare yourself mentally for what lies ahead, here be a couple of DISCLAIMERS AND WARNINGS:</p><p>- I’ve taken a few liberties with canon, mostly little tweaks here and here; however, the most notable one plays a significant role in this first chapter seeing as the whole chapter is structured around it:</p><p>the facial transformation surgery that we see at the beginning of the Deception arc takes somewhat longer to complete and is a more complicated process than in canon, because in canon it’s just cartoonishly quick and easy, like * plop * ! (jokes on me, cartoons are cartoonish and water is wet) </p><p>so that’s a thing now because I just really wanted this chapter to play out the way it does. you’ll see what I mean ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ </p><p>- because of the absolutely bananas premise, this first chapter is very exposition-heavy. I basically dumped (almost) all of it into one big monologue because it seemed appropriate and justified enough but it’s also Exposition Dump with a capital E on a flashing neon sign. you’ll still be left with some questions though but that’s what chapter 2 is for </p><p>- IMPORTANT: the Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings you see up there is somewhat significant as a warning (as is the M rating) in this one, so please be aware of that and proceed at your own discretion. *</p><p>*edit: NO major character death though :)</p><p>I think that’s all for now, please enjoy! &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was no putting a happy face on it: Obi-Wan Kenobi had messed up. He'd betrayed Anakin's trust and put him through an incredibly traumatic and scarring experience. What had he been thinking? Well, he knew exactly what. He’d thought he could take advantage of Anakin’s emotional nature for the sake of his mission and use his genuine reaction to sell his fake death and buy him credibility in the bowels of the criminal underworld that he was about to enter into. <em>Force,</em> it sounded even more horrible now that he put it into words. Yes, there had certainly been a thought process involved, but perhaps for once it would have been better had this awful mess simply been the result of thoughtlessness and not a deeply twisted string of reasoning. </p><p>So much hurt and heartbreak could have been avoided if he’d just let Anakin (and honestly, Ahsoka, too) in on their plan from the beginning. He’d acted defensive about it first, but now that he really reflected on the matter, it had been cruel and hypocritical of him to take advantage of Anakin's attachment to him after years of bombarding him with lectures on the dangers of attachment. And a lot of 'advantage' that stunt had gained them, in the end. Under the guise of providing assistance, but in reality driven mad by revenge, Anakin had almost single-handedly derailed the mission, not to mention killed Obi-Wan with his own hands. Perhaps the Jedi Master would have been quicker to own his error of judgment, had his fake death become reality after all, had the last remains of Anakin's sanity been destroyed by grief and self-blame. </p><p>Grief, self-blame… and unbridled, unimaginable rage. Obi-Wan didn't like to think about Anakin's certain predisposition to the temptations of the dark side, but how could he continue to turn a blind eye after something like this?  </p><p>Communication had never been their strong suit, but after the dust settled… they would have to start talking. <em>Really</em> talking. Anakin was the finest man he knew and the greatest Jedi of his generation, if not all time, but Obi-Wan knew he struggled with the Code, with the expectations placed on his young shoulders, and with his own emotional stability. He didn't really expect that someone as exceptional as the Chosen One would ever completely fit into the Jedi mold, or satisfy the Council's idea of a perfect poster boy, but he wouldn't have to. All Obi-Wan wanted was to be able to understand Anakin better, to find a way to connect with him. Let him know he could always come to his old Master with his troubles. That he could trust him.</p><p>Of course, he would have to start by apologizing to him first, or there wouldn't be much trust left to salvage. </p><p>Obi-Wan sighed and paced around the room as he waited for the nanodroid to finish initializing the surgery program, filling the otherwise deserted transformation chamber with a low humming noise. To pass time, he stepped into the adjacent fresher to take one final look at 'himself' in the mirror. Beardless, hairless and thoroughly ugly. A wry smile crossed the foreign curves of his lips. Of course, he would still be beardless, hairless and quite possibly arguably ugly even after his original features were restored. Without his trademark beard and neatly combed hair, he would still be wearing a stranger's face when he apologized to Anakin. He would look absolutely ridiculous. The top of his head would shine like the freshly scrubbed floor of the Council Chamber. Maybe he could trick Anakin into poking fun at his expense. That would at least give him something to work with.  </p><p>As soon as the program finished loading, Obi-Wan lay back on the bed as the droid stationed itself behind him and nanobrushes whirred to life overhead. He'd already selected the restoration procedure and set it to his own, old features by accessing the memory. He knew from the last time that the procedure was quite painful, and he could have opted to have himself anesthetized, but seeing as he'd come alone, that didn't seem like such a good idea. And while it perhaps wasn't the healthiest start to his journey towards a better relationship with Anakin, he found himself craving the punishment that only a two-hour session of harmless yet very real physical pain could bring. </p><p>Having assumed a comfortable position, Obi-Wan pressed a button on the side of the bed to activate a set of restraints that snapped around his wrists and ankles. The lack of mobility would help him power through the procedure, but if something were to go wrong, the deactivation button was within the Force’s reach. Then, having double-checked the settings one more time, the Jedi Master took a deep breath and activated the procedure. </p><p>The first few minutes were itchy at best as the brushes moved aside for the moment and a layer of cold, sticky substance was spread over Obi-Wan’s face. In less than a minute, it would be absorbed into his skin and paralyze his facial muscles. This would effectively keep his face still and prevent any slips that could otherwise occur. It would also help with the pain to an extent, by both preventing him from screaming and largely eliminating the need for screaming. </p><p>By the time the brushes started their work, Obi-Wan found himself quite relaxed and ready for this new chapter in his life to begin. Even without proper anesthetics, the pain was milder than he’d remembered, and with nothing else to do but lie here with his eyes glued shut, he might even be tempted to catch a few winks – </p><p>”General Kenobi.” </p><p>Obi-Wan’s eyeballs jolted under his fixed-shut lids as he became aware of several things happening in quick succession. The blast doors whizzing open – the ominous greeting – a set of wheels rolling – and most significantly, two Force presences entering the room, both of whom registered in the Jedi's mind as vaguely familiar. </p><p>So did their voices. ”Yes, good day, Master Kenobi,” greeted the second voice. ”And allow me to express my gratitude for your latest, valiant efforts in protecting the Republic and myself. You truly went above and beyond the call of duty this time, rising from your very grave to complete your mission and rescue none other than yours truly from those nefarious villains. Truly, I applaud your dedication and your… resilience.”</p><p>It was then that Obi-Wan recognized the voice of Chancellor Palpatine, as the elderly gentleman identified himself in a fairly unambiguous fashion. But his tone struck the Jedi as… odd. Derisive. A far cry from the mild-mannered, sympathetic leader he liked to present himself as.  </p><p>”Yes, just over there,” Palpatine instructed, and Obi-Wan heard whirring and clinking as what seemed to be another droid rolled across the space. ”Go ahead and start the program. It will take a while to load.” </p><p>In a moment, a low humming noise reached the Jedi's ears. Had Obi-Wan had the ability to frown, he would have. Another nanodroid? What was going on? Had the need arisen for another undercover mission? Why was Chancellor Palpatine overseeing it personally? Was he the one going under the nanobrush, this time? </p><p>”Uh… should we be letting him finish?” the other, younger voice asked. Wait… a clone’s voice? Obi-Wan had no time to ponder further on that observation, because he suspected the question referred to him. Well, they <em>better</em> let him finish and be prepared for a plethora of questions when his lips regained mobility. </p><p>”I see no harm in letting him have his face back,” Palpatine replied. ”He’s not long for this world, anyway. Let him die as himself.”</p><p>Obi-Wan’s stomach lurched into his throat. Had he fallen asleep, after all? Was he hearing this right, comprehending this correctly? Were they talking about him? Who else was presently in the room, having a face restoration surgery? Who else’s death could they be plotting in hushed tones? It occurred to him for the first time that they must think he was unconscious, under heavy anesthetics. Should he keep playing the part? No, they would kill him as soon as the transformation was finished, apparently. If he just put those Jedi reflexes to good use, he could deactivate the restraints, turn off the machine and run.</p><p>”Wait a minute,” Palpatine said abruptly. Obi-Wan could hear him approach, could almost feel his shadow falling over his unmoving form. ”He’s… he’s awake. His mind is awake. I can sense his thoughts. His mind is downright buzzing with activity.” </p><p>”He heard our conversation just now?” The identity of this other speaker was perhaps the least of Obi-Wan’s problems right now, but it kept eluding the tip of his tongue. Still, a far greater mystery and most certainly a bigger problem was something he <em>had</em> suddenly become aware of: Palpatine was a Force-sensitive, and absolutely reeking with the stench of the dark side. Had Obi-Wan been able to tremble with dread, he might have still passed on the opportunity and chosen to tremble with sheer confusion instead. </p><p>”Yes,” Palpatine whispered in answer. ”I have reason to believe he did.”</p><p>In a desperate effort to try something, anything, Obi-Wan used the Force to press the deactivation button and his restraints fell loose. That was when he realized that he could not move his head at all –  the effects of the paralyzing agent radiated all the way to the back of his head and down to his chest and upper arms. </p><p>Above him, he heard Palpatine laugh, in such a chilling tone that it seemed to freeze him even tighter in place. He still had mobility in his fingers and access to the Force, so he could probably turn off the brushes that were still hard at work at reconstructing his features, but what good would that do, at this point? </p><p>”Well, thank you for confirming my suspicions, Master Kenobi. It doesn’t really make a difference, anyway. Ah, well, let me take that back, actually. This <em>will</em> be more fun this way.”</p><p>Obi-Wan heard hands shifting and fiddling with the droid that hovered above him. In a final attempt to secure a rescue, he reached through the Force to Anakin, prodding at his distant presence with a simple plea, <em>help. </em></p><p>He was met with a hard, impregnable wall. Anakin had no desire to listen to a word he had to say. Obi-Wan's message bounced right off the shields he’d erected around his mind. </p><p>”There we go. This should help you relax and enjoy the rest of your facial.”  </p><p>The still-mobile parts of Obi-Wan’s body jerked as he felt a prick in the crook of his arm, and a cold sensation spread through his limbs, rushing in surges to his extremities. It took him a moment to realize that Palpatine had accessed the paralyzing agent dispenser and injected the substance directly into his vein. In less than a minute, his body was rendered rigid and stock-still. Only his thoughts continued to move along at their normal, unforgivably quick speed, and helpfully informed him that he was in big, big trouble. This impression was amplified a thousand-fold when he became aware of an unexpected side effect of the injection: he could no longer feel the Force. </p><p>”Are we almost ready to operate, my friend?” Palpatine asked, and at that very moment the humming died away. </p><p>”Ready, my lord.”</p><p>”Excellent. All the correct settings should already be in place. You know the drill. Just lie back and enjoy the ride.”  </p><p>
  <em>Ready… Ready, sir… </em>
</p><p>A terrible lump fell down Obi-Wan’s throat. It couldn’t be. But the way the clone had pronounced the word ’ready’ –  it sounded like <em>Cody,</em> but it also didn’t. And it also sounded like someone else that Obi-Wan still couldn’t place. Someone deceitful… dishonorable… someone who was decidedly <em>not</em> Cody, because Cody would never betray him like this. </p><p>He heard shifting from the other side of the room as the other nanodroid wheeled to position and began preparations for the surgery. </p><p>”I have to hand it to you, Kenobi,” Palpatine drawled as he appeared to pull up a chair and sit down to hover right over the helpless form of the Jedi Master. ”You have been a thorn in my side for so long. Far too long. And while you’ve certainly had your uses – unwittingly driving away your student by your own rigidity and near-psychotic devotion to the Jedi Code – it seems that I can no longer rely on your shortcomings to bring Anakin Skywalker closer to his eventual fall. I must thank you for your latest stunt, but it will also be your last. I’ve felt a disturbance in the Force, a shift in the balance I’ve so carefully engineered. The two of you have been growing closer since the beginning of the war… and I sense that unless I make my move now, there is a risk that this whole incident might actually end up strengthening your relationship. I simply cannot allow that to happen, Kenobi. I need you cold and distant and set in your ways, you see. And I need your student miserable and alone and desperate for a dependable father figure.” He hummed in satisfaction and added, ”Having a spy on the Jedi Council will also certainly come in handy as I proceed with my master plan.” </p><p>Obi-Wan’s horror mounted along with his claustrophobia as the struggled to process everything he’d just heard. Several puzzle pieces came together in his head at once, as he remembered what Count Dooku had told him on Geonosis almost two years ago. So Palpatine was the Sith Lord – Darth Sidious – who had the Galactic Senate under his control. And not just the Senate, but also an ever-expanding sphere of influence in the entire Galaxy. He was most likely playing both sides of the war – heck, he’d most likely been the one to orchestrate his own kidnapping. </p><p>And yet, all of that seemed so distant and unimportant right now – because this was about <em>Anakin.</em> The boy that Obi-Wan had raised into Jedihood and manhood, with whom he had shared so many adventures. His little brother and his best friend, and so many other things that words couldn't properly describe. </p><p>But of course. Why hadn’t he seen it before? It all made sense now – Palpatine’s oddly keen interest in Anakin’s company. The shoulder touches, the dinners, the advice and the attention he so readily bestowed on the young man… Darth Sidious wanted Anakin as his next apprentice, and he had been gradually working towards that end all along. In plain sight, under Obi-Wan’s watchful eye.</p><p>And now, even that watchful (or very neglectful) eye was going to be removed from the equation, because Sidious was going to replace Obi-Wan with an impostor. Someone who was going to purposefully make an effort to push Anakin even further away from his old Master and the Jedi Order as a whole, someone who most definitely<em> wasn’t</em> going to apologize and who most certainly <em>was</em> going to lie to him and deceive him in a most egregious, despicable way… Bile rose to the rigid insides of Obi-Wan's throat. </p><p>”I know what you’re thinking,” Palpatine claimed. ”If I am this invested in keeping you away from my prize, why not simply kill you? Why bother with such an elaborate hoax? With you in such a helpless state, I could kill you right now and make it look like a freak accident.” Obi-Wan heard the Chancellor’s heavy robes rustle as he leaned in closer. ”Well, first of all, there is no way Anakin would believe you really did give up the ghost this time. Not so soon after attending your actual funeral and then learning it was never actual at all. He would never accept the truth. He would simply assume this is another machination, some other trick or long con, and refuse to listen to anyone who would try to convince him otherwise. He would search for you to the ends of the Galaxy and beyond, which would only remove him from my proximity and derail my plans for him. No, no, no, no. I need him here, and I need you to keep him here, fettered to his miserable life in the Order and on the battlefield. But I also need you to be… <em>wrong.</em> Convincing, but wrong.</p><p>”Now, you might wonder whom I’ve chosen to tackle this… ambitious task. Or rather, you might be thinking, ’Impossible. I am Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Sith Killer. A respected Jedi Master and war general and an expert duelist. One of a kind. Who could ever impersonate me in a remotely convincing fashion?’ But as you might have guessed, this scheme was not conceived overnight. Since the beginning of the war, I have watched you gradually grow closer and closer to my future apprentice, and ever since then, this plan has been in development. For some time, I looked for the perfect candidate to eventually take your place. To study your history and your character, learn your mannerisms and idiosyncrasies. Learn which flaws of yours to exploit and which virtues to flaunt. Learn to fight like you, walk like you, talk like you. And I am quite pleased with my pick. I would let him speak for himself, perhaps share a few choice words, but I’m afraid that the next time he speaks, it will no longer be as himself.” </p><p>Obi-Wan was starting to suspect that some of the paralyzing agent had seeped into his brain after all, because his thoughts were flowing too sluggishly for him to even be shocked or disturbed anymore. He wasn’t even sure which part of this information to be most shocked or disturbed by. The thought of someone prowling in the shadows, memorizing every minute detail about his behavior and jotting them down for future reference? Or Palpatine referring to Anakin as his ’prize’, perhaps? </p><p>”And again, you might be thinking, ’Alright, let’s say for the sake of the argument that I believe you, that this underling of yours is capable of deceiving my men, my fellow Councilors, my casual acquaintances… Master Yoda, even. But this is Anakin. My Padawan, my friend, the other half of my soul. He will never be fooled by an impostor, no matter how talented. His heart would know the difference…’ or whatever sentimental drivel you might try to reassure yourself with.”</p><p>Well, apparently Palpatine saw right through his detached, stoic Jedi exterior. But really, what else was he supposed to reassure himself with, at this point? </p><p>”And to that I say… was he not fooled by your Hardeen disguise quite spectacularly? Might I remind you that he actually tried to kill you, all the while believing he was avenging your death? Oh, such delicious irony. Did you know I had a hand in orchestrating that fateful encounter? Can you imagine what it would have done to Anakin had he been successful? Of course, it would have meant discarding my original plan, which would have been a shame. I don’t like to be wasteful. But it would have been worth it, I think."</p><p>It occurred to Obi-Wan that even if Palpatine had indeed sent Anakin after him, the only way for him to know that the 'fateful encounter' had indeed taken place was because Anakin had told him. What else had he shared with Palpatine that Obi-Wan remained in the dark about?</p><p>”Where was I? Oh yes, your near-death experience. Indeed. Do you really think he’ll be in a rush to entertain doubts about your identity? Do you think he’ll even dare to consider the possibility that his dearly departed, miraculously recovered Master is really someone else, after what almost happened? Do you think the thought will even cross his mind? He just got you back… I can’t imagine he’s eager to lose you all over again.” </p><p>The lump swelled and swelled in Obi-Wan’s throat until it seemed to be trying to throttle him from the inside. He liked to think of himself as a self-possessed realist, someone who was above using denial as a coping method… but maybe he’d indulge himself just this once. This could not be happening. </p><p>”Ah, well,” Palpatine said, the sharp thump from his direction seeming to indicate a casual slap on both thighs. ”Good talk. Now, if you don’t mind, I thought I’d catch up on some work while I wait for you to finish beauty sleep. Or perhaps I’ll call Anakin. I noticed you tried to reach out to him through the Force, without success. I wouldn't worry, I’m sure he’s just busy. Let me try.” </p><p>Obi-Wan heard him tap at his comm. It occurred to him that he couldn’t even feel pain on his face anymore, because whatever he <em>was</em> feeling seemed to demand the undivided attention of both his mind and body. </p><p>
  <em>”Chancellor, hey.”</em>
</p><p>Well, there it was. Had Obi-Wan’s tear ducts not been frozen into a standstill… Was this the last time he was ever going to hear Anakin’s voice? </p><p>”Hello, Anakin,” Palpatine crooned. ”Are you free for dinner tonight?”</p><p><em>”I… uh, well, I don’t know…”</em> </p><p>”I’m sorry, is this not a good time?” </p><p>
  <em>”No, no, I’m glad you called, Chancellor. I just… have a lot on my mind.”</em>
</p><p>”Well, if you need a good listener, you know you can always come to me.”</p><p>
  <em>”You know what? Sure. Let’s do dinner tonight. The usual time?” </em>
</p><p>”The usual time. Excellent. See you then.” </p><p>The next hour and a half were the longest in Obi-Wan’s life as Palpatine finally fell into a self-satisfied silence, occasionally tapping at what Obi-Wan assumed was a datapad and chuckling to himself. Above him, nanobrushes continued to poke and prod at whatever unfinished mess substituted for his face at the moment. And across the room, the mystery clone was receiving the same treatment, only it wasn’t his own face being restored, but a mask that he would wear to fool the Council, the Galaxy, and Anakin… </p><p>Obi-Wan had found himself in quite a number of absurd and surreal situations over the course of his life, but this one might just take the cake.</p><p>After what seemed like an eternity, the brushes stopped moving and retracted back into the droid. By this point Obi-Wan was already starting to feel the effects of the paralyzing agent fading from his face, although the rest of his body still remained rigid and immobile. After a few minutes, he felt a twitch run across his eyes and pried his lids open, only to be greeted with a blinding burst of light and Palpatine’s smug face smiling down on him. </p><p>After another few minutes, he was starting to feel the Force flooding back to him along with the mobility of his limbs. But before he could even think about escape, Palpatine was there, summoning another pair of droids to prop him up against the headboard and inject him a new dose of the paralyzing agent. Unable to put up much resistance beyond flailing his fingers aimlessly, Obi-Wan could only watch helplessly as another shot of the vile substance was released into his vein and his body froze into the new seated position he had been forced to assume. </p><p>From this new vantage point, he could see the other man rising into a seated position as well as the nanosurgery finished and he could move his head again. Meeting one's doppelganger might have been a more hair-raising experience had either Obi-Wan or the man staring back at him sported his signature look of copper beard and hair, but obviously he could still recognize that the surgery had been an evident success. </p><p>But the strangest thing was, the moment Obi-Wan looked into those deceptively gray-blue eyes, that was when recognition finally struck him. Even with the Force rapidly slipping beyond his reach again, staring at a hairless, nightmarish version of his own face, he suddenly just knew.</p><p>And even then, he found himself puzzled – like he was still missing some crucial piece of information. Conveniently, Palpatine was happy to help him along.  </p><p>”Well, what do you think, Master Kenobi?” the two-faced politician sang. He turned to face the clone first, as though addressing the question to him, before pretending to realize his mistake and snapping his head back to Obi-Wan, ”Sorry. It’s just so uncanny. Well, what <em>do</em> you think? You think you would never fall for such a scheme? That you would never be fooled by an impostor pretending to be one of your closest friends? Well, I have some news for you, Kenobi: you already have.” </p><p>He moved to stand beside the clone and laid a wizened hand on his shoulder. </p><p>”Let me introduce you to your understudy, and indeed the star that will soon be stealing the show. None other than your very own Commander Cody… of the last six months.” </p><p>Obi-Wan concentrated all his remaining mobility into moving his lips, at first managing only pitiful quivers that produced no sound. But he needed to say the name out loud, needed to let them know he knew. Struggling against the stiffness of his jaw, the numbness rapidly spreading over his facial muscles, he mustered up all his willpower and slurred out, ”Slick.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Ignorance is Bliss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yup, apparently I needed two entire chapters pretty much just for exposition and set-up. nevertheless, please enjoy! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Obi-Wan’s eyes fluttered open to greet a blanket of dimness, tinted faintly red at the corners. He maneuvered his stiff limbs into a seated position, shaking his vision clear. Finding himself at the back of a prison cell, a heavy metal door staring at him from the opposite end and a shimmering energy shield put up on either side where a wall would have been. </p><p>His first impulse was to reach out into the Force, only to find to his disappointment-but-not-surprise that he couldn’t feel its familiar warmth. His memory, on the other hand, caught up with him faster than he would have perhaps preferred –  although he instantly found himself doubting the utter hogwash it was feeding him. The Supreme Chancellor, a Sith Lord? Collaborating with a known traitor in an absurd scheme to replace Obi-Wan with an impostor? And all this trouble just to… deceive Anakin… and manipulate him into turning to the dark side… </p><p>A more pressing question struck the Jedi Master, then. Assuming he hadn’t just had a very suspenseful dream, why was he still alive? Because he distinctly remembered a certain villainous head of state casually mentioning Obi-Wan’s imminent death and how he was doing him a great kindness in letting him take his own face to the grave. Along with the greatest political scandal and most large-scale deception in Galactic history, but that was neither here nor there. </p><p>”…soldier… I used to be a soldier… and I was a good soldier… yeah, a good soldier…”</p><p>The few strands of hair still attached to Obi-Wan’s skin stood erect as a faint, hoarse voice crept into his awareness. He let his wobbly feet carry him across the cell and to the energy shield that hummed on his left side. At first, he had to squint to see through the translucent red veil that stood between him and the next cell. But once his eyes adjusted, he could just discern a frail figure sitting in the back, leaning heavily against the wall and letting out ragged breaths, sometimes accompanied by words. </p><p>”…good soldier… we were all good soldiers…”</p><p>It was the voice that he recognized first. Distinctly familiar… and yet so feeble and so completely <em>wrong</em> for one of the strongest men the Jedi Master had ever had the privilege of knowing. </p><p>”Cody?” </p><p>Obi-Wan lowered himself onto his knees, to his neighbor’s eye level, as he crawled up closer to the energy shield. A pair of wild eyes snapped up and met his own through the red shimmer. </p><p>”…good soldiers…”</p><p>He could just make out the other man narrowing his eyes, staring back at Obi-Wan through analytical slits, as though trying to figure out whether he was actually there. It wasn’t without some difficulty that the figure then pushed himself up from his slumped position and shakily got on all fours. His atrophied muscles almost gave out several times as he dragged himself across the floor, but somehow, he persisted. Apprehension had been steadily building inside Obi-Wan since he’d awoken in this red-tinted nightmare, but as soon as he saw Cody’s face, it was all he could do not to flinch back in a distinctly un-Jedi-like fashion. A mere half remained of the muscular, capable soldier that General Kenobi had once known, that had fought at his side from the beginning of the war up to an indeterminate point about six months back. Malnourished and weak, the shadows of the cell lined the skeletal contours of Cody’s features; dull, sickly skin painted eerily crimson by the energy shield that separated them. His tangled hair fell in clumps over his brow and temples, his gaunt jawline hiding underneath a thick, dark thatch of a beard that reached his collarbones. Tattered remains of his under-armor shirt and leggings hung on his emaciated limbs. </p><p>Had the prisoner just been thin, that would have been one thing. But the true horror lay in his gaze, behind the sunken eyes that regarded the other captive with a crazed, gleaming astonishment. As though it had been a lifetime since he had laid his eyes on another being, or at least one that was made of flesh and blood. </p><p>”General?” he rasped, reaching out with a bony hand. ”Is that really you? Your hair… your… your<em> beard</em>…” </p><p>”Yes, it’s me, Cody,” Obi-Wan confirmed, trying to inject a note of reassurance in his voice that he did not truly feel. ”Thought I’d get an early start on my midlife crisis. I just had my face tattoos removed. I'm afraid my Padawan wasn't a fan.” </p><p>”Face tattoos?” Cody repeated incredulously, huffing out a hollow laughter. ”I’m gone for one damned second and immediately you go off the –” He cut himself short as his eyes widened, blood vessels bulging out from the whites surrounding his disturbed pupils. And then he was suddenly screaming at the top of his lungs, <em>”Do not trust Cody! He’s a traitor, General, he’s an impostor! I’m telling you, you can’t trust Cody, you can’t trust anything he says! Please, General, you have to –” </em></p><p>”Cody, Cody,” Obi-Wan held up his hands in a calming gesture. ”But I do trust you. And I know what you’re saying is true.” </p><p>Cody’s panicked cries died away as quickly as they’d emerged as a wild fit of panting and trembling overtook his body. A dubious gaze continued to observe the Jedi from underneath his twitching lids. His mouth opened a few more times, but only quiet, clipped sounds came out. </p><p>”Cody… I am so sorry,” Obi-Wan sighed, dropping his head miserably. ”I should have known it wasn’t you. I should have been able to tell the difference.” </p><p>”Well…” Cody muttered as his breath slowly evened. ”You know what they say about us clones. We tend to look very similar.”</p><p>Obi-Wan couldn’t quite bring himself to chuckle. ”But each and every one of you has a completely different Force signature,” he pointed out. ”I still don’t understand… of course, I know that many experienced Force-sensitives are able to mask or manipulate their Force signatures if they so wish. But how does a layman disguise themselves as another person so masterfully that they are even able to mimic their Force presence?” </p><p>For several long moments, Cody just stared at him blankly, as though he’d not quite grasped what Obi-Wan was saying. The Jedi's heart hurt at seeing his trusted second-in-command so very broken, but he also doubted that simply reiterating his point would help in this case. </p><p>Then, abruptly, Cody jerked back to life with that same, not-entirely-sane look in his eyes. ”Don’t swallow it,” he told Obi-Wan. His voice had dropped to an intense, conspiratorial whisper. ”Do not swallow it.” </p><p>”I'm sorry?”</p><p>”Do not swallow it,” Cody continued to repeat. ”It’s a vile, vile thing… it sucks your life force away.” A hoarse, unnatural laughter shook the thin shaft on his throat. ”I suppose for the Jedi, that’s just the Force…”</p><p>”Swallow <em>what,</em> Cody?” </p><p>Before Cody could formulate any semblance of a response, a creak at the door to Obi-Wan’s cell drew their attention away. A pang of dread ran through Obi-Wan as two super battle droids stepped in. He suddenly got the distinct feeling that if Cody was alive… he would not be getting out of this situation through the sweet release of death, after all. </p><p>Seeing the droids, Cody seemed to lose what little remained of his mental stability and threw himself against the energy shield with a cry, only for the force field to thrust him back, sending him crumpling into a heap on the floor. </p><p>”Cody!” Obi-Wan exclaimed as the towering droids pulled his arms behind his back, snapped them into cuffs and started frog-marching him to the door. His last glimpses of his imprisoned second-in-command were of him sprawled out on the floor, gazing unseeingly through the red haze of the energy shield.</p><p>The metal door banged shut behind them, the dimness of the cell replaced with glaring lights running along a nondescript hallway. The hulking droids half-dragged, half-pushed Obi-Wan into a slow, ominous pace. Even though they were moving away from Cody, Obi-Wan had a strange premonition that whatever waited ahead was going to land him in that exact same situation. Unwilling to go down without a fight, the Jedi gathered up his Forceless strength and managed to wrench his arms free from the droids’ grip. But his feet got a less explosive start, feeling leaden underneath him as he lunged into a sprint. Still, he might have stood a chance had he had the faintest idea where he was going – or alternatively, had the droids accompanying him specialized in escorting well-behaved guests down hallways rather than taking down Jedi in active warzones. </p><p>Resigned to his fate, or at least the next stage of it, Obi-Wan was marched to another heavy door, which whizzed open to a large gray room that distantly resembled a medical bay. The droids sat him down on a flat table and fastened his cuffs to a metal ring jutting out from the wall behind him, before stationing themselves on either side of door. To his surprise, Obi-Wan found that his dread had dissipated – too shaken by the state he’d found Cody in, by his own guilt for letting this happen, he couldn’t seem to work up the energy to worry about himself, anymore. </p><p>Still, a distinct rush of anger pushed through his walls of Jedi composure as the door opened once again to allow one Sheev Palpatine to step inside. He countered the man’s smug smirk with a glare to which the word ’hate-filled’ couldn’t truly do justice. And this was coming from a man who’d always shied away from wearing his emotions on his sleeve. </p><p>”Master Kenobi,” the Chancellor greeted mock cheerily. ”Still looking better than ever, I see. With that clean-shaven look, you’ll give Master Windu a run for his money.” He stood right in front of Obi-Wan and leaned forward, taunting. ”Oh, that’s right. Technically speaking, it will not be <em>you</em> doing that.” </p><p>”Yes, it seems it will be a brand new me giving myself a run for those coveted credits,” Obi-Wan quipped back, happy to at least have regained the use of his voice in the absence of other weapons. ”May I just say how very endearing you are, thinking this will actually work?” </p><p>The Sith Lord made an amused noise. With a brush of his hand, he summoned another pair of droids from the corner of the room. Obi-Wan was by no means an expert, but he was fairly sure he had never seen this particular model before. They bore some resemblance to the nanosurgery droid, the rectangular head just reaching Obi-Wan’s current eye level, but somehow… these ones seemed more aggressive, like a cross between medical droids and battle droids. </p><p>”You see, Your Excellency,” Obi-Wan continued, trying to pay no mind to the mystery droids that whirred about the room. ”I think you have quite misunderstood my character. Which, of course, does not bode well for this little show you're about to take on tour.” </p><p>Palpatine hummed out a single curious note as he moved to turn his back to the Jedi and started fiddling with some mysterious equipment spread out on a table before him. The droids beeped in what sounded like anticipation.  </p><p>”Having been a captive audience to your recent approximation of my private thoughts, you seem to have me pegged as someone who puts a lot of stock in hearts and souls and the power of love. In truth, it is the practical side of things that mystifies me here. As far as I know, your prized thespian is not a Force-sensitive, and even if he is, he most definitely does not possess my unique signature in the Force. All Anakin has to do is reach out into the Force, and he’ll know it’s not me.” </p><p>It was halfway through his own argument that Obi-Wan realized two things. First, his memory was awfully short: had he not just admitted to Cody that he, in fact, had <em>not</em> been able to identify the impostor, even with the help of the Force? Clearly, there was a method to this madness, and that method had already proven effective. </p><p>Second, for someone supposedly not concerned with sentimentalities, he sure had been quick to bring up Anakin, specifically, as opposed to any other Jedi who could potentially expose the impersonator. </p><p>A low chuckle bubbled in the back of Palpatine’s throat as he handed something to one of the droids and an angular metal appendage closed around it. </p><p>”Ever the Jedi,” the elderly man mumbled. ”Thinking you have a monopoly on the Force just because you’re born with it.” </p><p>Obi-Wan tried to squirm away when both of the mystery droids rolled right to his front, within inches of his face, but the short give of the cuffs kept him firmly in place. His earlier dread reinstated itself when one of the droids grabbed his lips with two pincer-like hands and wrenched his mouth open. </p><p>All the while, Palpatine was talking, ”Having an entire library’s worth of superficial research on the subject, but never daring to truly think outside the cramped little box you’ve forced yourselves into. Yes, I believe it it accurate to say that individuals across the Galaxy are born either with or without a certain aptitude to harness the power of the Force. But have you ever considered the fact that clones are made, not born? And have you ever wondered, well, what is their relationship with the Force? On a purely cellular level, they’re living, organic beings after all, just like you and I.” </p><p>Obi-Wan bucked wildly as the droid not stretching his lips apart extended its metal arm to reach right into Obi-Wan’s mouth and place something on his tongue. Before the Jedi could spit the thing out, the other droid let go of his lips, instead covering his mouth with its metal palm and forcing it shut in an iron grip.  </p><p>
  <em>Don’t swallow it…</em>
</p><p>”You see, you Jedi always tend to mystify the Force, as this enigmatic, cosmic, almost anthropomorphic existence, with a will of its own and everything. You rarely stop to think about the fact that it is, in fact… quantifiable. Measurable, by midichlorians.” </p><p>
  <em>Do not swallow it!</em>
</p><p>The small, hard, circular object tasted of nothing and did not dissolve in Obi-Wan's mouth. It was also tiny enough that he could probably try and hide it beneath his tongue or inside his cheek. But much to his dismay, the mystery pill evaded his chasing attempts as it seemingly began to move on its own, slipping into the back of Obi-Wan’s mouth and then further still… </p><p>”And as far as the clones are concerned, so far we’ve been able to recreate appearance, bone structure, approximate height and weight… and we’ve been able to add novel elements such as accelerated aging, enhanced obedience and loyalty. And so I ask you, why not midichlorians? There already exists plenty of technology designed to manipulate or contain the Force, such as Force-suppressing restraints and drugs. Such as, say, the pill you just swallowed.” </p><p>At first, Palpatine’s words didn’t make sense, because almost immediately after swallowing what he’d referred to as ’the pill’, or rather after the pill had forcibly worked its way down his throat, Obi-Wan suddenly felt <em>more</em> connected to the Force. Not enough that he could make any meaningful use of it, but he could once again feel it, all around him, within him. Then… something happened. It was as though something erupted inside of him, something akin to a poison or a virus, and began to spread through his body at alarming speed. For a moment Obi-Wan thought that he’d been given yet another paralytic drug, but rather than freeze into helpless immobility, he began to feel extremely nauseous and weak. It was as though something, a parasite of some sort, was tapping into his energy reserves and draining him dry. </p><p>”As you know, we’ve already conducted our test run of this neat little invention. It utilizes the same basic principle as most Force suppressors, by directly targeting your midichlorians and inhibiting them from interacting with the Force. But rather than simply doing that, it also scans the,” the Chancellor brandished his finger knowingly, ”unique Force signature found inside each of those midichlorians, and creates a precise copy of it. That copy is then reflected across the Force into the body of whomever has swallowed the other half of the pill. Specifically, it once again directly targets their midichlorians and takes residence inside each individual unit flowing through their veins, disguising their presence in the Force to exactly resemble yours. Imagine a mirror image, perhaps… if that mirror image were able to think and talk on its own, even walk right out of the mirror and touch you.” </p><p>The sudden lack of energy in his body had left Obi-Wan tipping forward, the short length of his restraints holding him in a half-upright position. </p><p>”And unfortunately,” Palpatine added, ”since I know you’re wondering, it will <em>not</em> leave your system… the natural way.” </p><p>Obi-Wan, in truth, had <em>not</em> been wondering about that, but he supposed the knowledge couldn’t hurt. At least any more than he’d already been hurt by this infernal device, sapping him of his strength and leaving him sagging like a ragdoll. Unable to feel the Force, he couldn’t actually feel his midichlorians being disturbed either, but it was clear enough that horrible things were happening to the temple in which his cosmic ally usually resided so peacefully. </p><p>Mostly in an attempt to distract himself from his rapidly weakening state, Obi-Wan forced out one last, incredulous question, ”You were able to create synthetic midichlorians? Are you saying that the impersonator… that <em>Slick</em> can actually use the Force?” </p><p>”He can, indeed,” Palpatine replied. ”And he’s undergone rigorous training too, in order to pass as Obi-Wan Kenobi. All the while pulling double duty as your second-in-command. Isn't that remarkable? Of course, it takes decades of training to reach a skill level worthy of a Jedi Master. But if you think that his admittedly… inferior abilities are going to give him away, think again. As you might have already guessed, it was I who designed and orchestrated this entire war in the first place. I have a talent for… manipulating situations to my advantage. It takes one snap of a finger, one simple order to my lackeys to ensure that your stand-in never has to prove his exact skill level by, say, dueling General Grievous. A duel against one Anakin Skywalker, however… now that is something I would welcome. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. All in good time, my friend. All in good time.” </p><p>”You’re making a mistake by not killing me,” Obi-Wan panted, chest reaching for his knees, cold sweat running down his brow. ”I’ve made it out of tighter spots in the past.”</p><p>A sinister twinkle flashed in Palpatine's gaze. ”Ah, but as I said… all in good time.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so yeah, obviously my explanation for ’how could a clone impersonate a Force-sensitive’ is a bunch of bs that I made up, buuuuut it sounded believable enough in my head in an ’it’s fanfic so I can do what I want’ sort of way &gt;:]</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. With Friends Like These</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>probably doesn’t need to be said, but no Obi-Wan bashing is intended in this story. we can care deeply for our loved ones and still end up hurting them, and the Rako Hardeen arc is a (somewhat dramatic) example of that. and as for Anakin’s POV here, unreliable narrators are unreliable and we all exaggerate things in our head (or out loud) when we’re angry. and this is Anakin. and Palpatine, who’s already been subtly talking shit about his Master for 10+ years now!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>”I don’t know. I just… I feel like I don’t really know him anymore.”</p><p>It was a very loaded response to a simple, friendly inquiry as to how things were between Anakin and his Master these days. Anakin knew he could have just brushed it off with ’oh, fine’, or ’same as usual’. The problem was, nothing <em>was</em> fine and, Anakin feared, nothing <em>would</em> ever be the same between the Master and Padawan, ever. And this was Palpatine, a close friend and a long-time confidante of his. He already knew all about the Hardeen operation and the way Obi-Wan had gone behind Anakin’s back and decided to play with his emotions. The elder man must have expected Anakin to at least still be angry. </p><p>The truth was, his anger had dissipated a while ago, leaving in its wake only the hollow feeling that Anakin just didn’t know who Obi-Wan was anymore. Maybe never had. Because the man he <em>had</em> known, the mentor who had raised him through adolescence and apprenticeship, would never put him through something like this. But he had, and thus it logically followed that this man had never actually been real at all. Just a phantom all along, Anakin’s own invention. A collection of impressions, born out of a young boy’s idolization and a desperate need to latch onto a father figure. Or a big brother figure, whatever Anakin had needed him to be at a given time in his life. </p><p>Across the restaurant table, Palpatine wiped his mouth with a napkin, quirking his brows. ”What makes you say that, my boy?”</p><p>Anakin sighed, absent-mindedly lancing a piece of potato with his fork and dragging it back and forth across the plate. Confidante or not, he just had no energy at the present moment to summarize everything that had just swirled through his head. Palpatine already knew what this was about, anyway. </p><p>”Anakin,” the Chancellor began, in that grandfatherly tone that he always seemed to assume whenever he shared a particularly insightful piece of his wisdom, one of those profound truths in life that were not always easy to hear. ”Your Master is, first and foremost, a Jedi. A member of the High Council, at that. Devoted to the Jedi way. Bound by his duty and its perceived demands. This is who he is, at his core.” </p><p>Anakin gave a small sound of agreement. It occurred to him that perhaps he knew exactly who Obi-Wan was, because this characterization of him most certainly sounded familiar. Still, he couldn’t get a sense of whether the Chancellor was defending Obi-Wan or criticizing him. Did he mean to imply that Obi-Wan’s duty to the Council would always take precedence over his relationship with Anakin? For a brief moment, the young man wanted to open his mouth and say a few words in Obi-Wan's defense himself, because the his Master had chosen Anakin over the Council plenty of times. Or at least, stood up to the Council in favor of siding with Anakin. If he hadn’t, Anakin might never have been accepted into the Order in the first place. </p><p>But then, a new wave of anger rose from his core and he mentally corrected himself. The single example that he could think of had been about Qui-Gon, not Anakin. And sure, he might have looked out for Anakin’s interests back when he was still a Padawan. But now that he was a grown man, apparently it was okay for Obi-Wan to lie to him and use him to his heart's content. </p><p>”But you’re not first and foremost the Chancellor,” Anakin pointed out, deciding it was defense he was responding to, rather than disapproval. ”I mean, not right now. You manage to accomplish your duties just fine, and still find time for me, and… you know, treat me as a person. Not some puppet on a string or a piece in your game.” </p><p>A twinge of regret tugged at Anakin’s gut immediately after the words had left his mouth. Obi-Wan had done an awful thing, but he did not treat Anakin as a ’piece in his game’ all of the time. Not even one percent of the time. And was this a fair comparison to draw? What games was the Chancellor even playing that he could potentially draw Anakin into? Well, he supposed politics were always a game, of sorts. He’d also heard it compared to theater and circus. Anyway, it wasn't as though he was forcing Anakin to pose for propaganda posters or even publicly endorse him. And he certainly wasn't making him perform sadness at his fake funeral like he was a pet dog having its character tested. </p><p>The Chancellor gave a warm laugh. ”Yes, but I’m a politician. I am still allowed to be my own person in my free time. In fact, this is something they actively encourage in training, for the sake of a healthy work-life balance. Jedihood, on the other hand… it’s a way of life. A belief system. You just don’t get any days off from being a Jedi, or even lunch breaks, really. Wherever you go, you always represent the Order, whatever you do, you’re practicing… well, your religion. Who you are as a person will always come second. That’s why I always find myself worrying that committing to the Jedi way will only hold you back, my dear boy, as you are so very unique and special in a great number of ways. And I think one should always embrace that which sets them apart from the rest.” </p><p>Anakin frowned. For an outsider, Palpatine certainly seemed to know a lot about the foundational philosophy of the Jedi Order. It was strange, because at other times, the elder man would say something blatantly inaccurate and Anakin would correct him, and he would just laugh it off and confess that he wasn’t all that familiar with the ways of the Jedi. But then, Anakin supposed, Palpatine had been around a lot longer than he had. Certainly plenty enough time to have both learned a lot and formed a few misconceptions here and there. </p><p>A far bigger source of confusion was that Anakin was no longer really sure what they were talking about. Palpatine seemed to be arguing that Obi-Wan had done what he had because he was a Jedi. But that didn’t really make sense, because –<br/>
 <br/>
”But that’s just it. Obi-Wan is a believer alright. The quintessential Jedi through and through. So how can he lecture me about being too attached and needing to let go of things, and then just throw it in my face by using my attachment for the furtherance of his mission?” Unconsciously, his hand had clenched into a fist, which he now slammed against the table in a controlled but also forceful fashion. The cutlery on the table jumped, sending a melodic clink reverberating through the mostly quiet restaurant. </p><p>”Ah,” Palpatine said calmly as he put down his beverage. ”Personally, I have always found the Jedi tenets to be full of contradictions and a breeding ground for loopholes and acts of hypocrisy. In truth, I struggle to believe there is a Jedi alive who is able to live up to the detached yet compassionate ideal that the Order promotes. Compared to you, they are simply less honest about it.”</p><p><em>Honest.</em> Something about that word struck a chord with Anakin. Not only was it relevant because of Obi-Wan’s distinct lack of honesty of late, but because in spite of Palpatine’s at-times-inaccurate stereotypes about the Jedi, it just felt so good to be sitting here with someone with whom he could be honest about how he really felt – about Jedihood, about his Master, about everything. Someone who understood.  </p><p>But what <em>did</em> he think about the Jedi? At times, Anakin wasn’t sure. Were they all unfeeling mass products who were just wired differently from him? Or were they all hypocrites like Palpatine seemed to be suggesting? Or simply unlucky not to have a friend like the Chancellor with whom to share their frustrations with the Order and other feelings they were not allowed to express? </p><p>Anakin didn’t know. And he was rapidly losing track of what they were talking about again, until Palpatine reminded him. </p><p>”Give your Master one more chance,” he proposed. With an accompanying brandish of his finger, he added, ”Just one more. I’m sure he already regrets what he’s done.”</p><p>Well, Anakin wasn’t sure, but… He frowned as the entirety of what Palpatine had said registered in his brain. Just <em>one</em> more chance? That seemed awfully harsh. Granted, he was<em> furious</em> with his Master and he didn’t see how they could ever rebuild that same trust, the same inseparable friendship they’d once shared, but… just one last chance, really?</p><p>What would it take from Obi-Wan to fail that chance? And what would happen if he did? Anakin found he was scared of the answer. Was that a sign that he was ready to forgive Obi-Wan? Give him all the chances he needed, for the rest of his life? Maybe he did want things to be the same between them again. Maybe he missed it already; the easy banter, the fond looks, the exasperated sighs. </p><p>Then again, maybe he should be setting some boundaries here. Some limit as to what he was willing to put up with. He hated the thought of being a pushover that people could just walk all over. It reminded him too much of being a slave, a tool to be picked up and used and misused and then thrown away. Already he was starting to forget exactly what his best friend had done to him. He’d spent several days believing that Obi-Wan was dead, <em>dead,</em> for Force’s sake! Because his best friend had willingly, purposely lied to him! Mailed him an invitation to his funeral! How could Obi-Wan not see how <em>sick</em> that was? And he’d actually had the gall to leave Ahsoka out of the loop, too; Ahsoka, who’d already seen so much messed-up crap by the grand old age of fifteen… </p><p>Yeah, maybe one more chance was the way to go. One more chance, and then… </p><p>Well, he still didn’t know what he would do. But he was sure he’d figure it out if it ever came to that. Which Anakin secretly hoped it never would. To fail that last chance, Obi-Wan would have to do something really, really horrible. Something of at least the same magnitude as faking one’s own death. </p><p>Anakin abandoned his last potato and put his fork down with purpose, flashing a smile over the table. He couldn’t help but be glad that his friend was openly defending Obi-Wan. He’d often got the sense in the past that the Chancellor just didn’t like Obi-Wan all that much, or was at least very critical of him. But clearly he was just striving to be objective and to offer a fresh perspective in every situation. </p><p>”One more chance,” Anakin agreed. ”Yeah, I think I can do that.” </p><p>-</p><p>One more chance or not, it took a significant amount of willpower from Anakin not to flee the planet or seek refuge at Padmé’s or maybe surrender to the Separatists when he received a summons from the Council to attend a debriefing at the temple, most likely in regard to the Hardeen mission. Not only was he not the biggest fan of either the Council or debriefings, but it would be awkward seeing Obi-Wan after Anakin had so studiously avoided him and even rejected his mind prod earlier today. Maybe that’s what it had been about in the first place, just inviting him to give a boring report to the Council? And hadn’t he already given one? They all tended to blur together after the fact. </p><p>Well, Anakin quickly decided, he’d get this torture session out of the way and then sneak off to Padmé’s. It would give him something to look forward to as he avoided eye contact with Obi-Wan and found himself in a staring contest against Windu in the process. </p><p>Ascending the temple steps, Anakin drew a deep breath. No, he wasn’t ready to forgive Obi-Wan yet, but he supposed he could treat this meeting as the beginning of a new chapter in their relationship. Good, bad, that remained to be seen. </p><p>A tense concoction of carefully shielded thoughts and somewhat more openly displayed feelings washed over Anakin as he stepped into the Council Chamber. A ring of red seats filled by corporeal and holographic Councilors alike encircled him as he came to stand in the center of the room, nodding a stiff greeting. Without meaning to, he singled out Obi-Wan in the Force, finding his Master’s signature to be… <em>off,</em> somehow. <em>Not a great start,</em> Anakin thought as he quickly withdrew back into himself.  </p><p>As for the man’s physical presence, it was all Anakin could do not to burst into mirthless laughter. No wonder he felt off, because he certainly<em> looked</em> off. That shiny bald head and smooth, naked jaw… he looked like an overgrown, misproportioned, prematurely aging baby. </p><p>”Skywalker, glad you could make it,” a matter-of-fact voice pulled Anakin from his private roasting session. Anakin felt the hair stand on end at the back of his neck as he turned to face Master Windu. It was not so much the man himself, really. Rather, it seemed that every time Anakin found himself back in this room, standing in this same spot, surrounded by a varying circle of unsmiling masters, he would flash back to the day he’d first arrived at the temple. Regress back to that little boy who’d been so excited to meet these famed heroes, to be welcomed into their ranks, whose enthusiasm had rapidly deflated by the apprehensive looks he’d been greeted with instead. The piercing gazes that had silently assessed him like he was a piece of machinery that technically shouldn’t have been working. Left him shrinking under their merciless scrutiny only to finally deem him inadequate. And even though things had ultimately worked out for him (thanks to Obi-Wan, he once again wanted to admit, but pushed the thought away), that initial rejection had left a lasting dent in a place deep within him. Place that words often failed to define. Was it his self-worth? Confidence? Whatever it was, the damage was persistent and often left him feeling like he was still earning his place in the Jedi Order, every single day. That he had to be the best or be nothing at all.  </p><p>”Of course, Master Windu.” Anakin caught the almost bored edge in his voice, an overcorrection of the insecurities churning inside him, weighing him down. ”How may I be of service today?”</p><p>”Service, hmm,” Master Yoda joined in, lingering on the word. ”Served the Republic well, through the course of this war, you have. Looking forward to returning to the battlefield tomorrow, are you?”</p><p>Anakin gave an honest nod, because he was. While he acknowledged that war in itself was hardly a cause for celebration; the art of warfare, in isolation, was something he was good at. Slicing up droids, saving lives, trading banter, pulling daring stunts, earning impressed shakes of the head and reassuring slaps on the back, surrounded by men he trusted and whose company he enjoyed. It was a place where he felt right at home. Where he felt respected. </p><p>And on top of that, the timing was perfect. A four, five week campaign would put some much-needed space between him and Obi-Wan and give Anakin plenty of time to reflect on their relationship at his own pace. </p><p>”Contemplated, have you lately?” Master Yoda questioned. ”What to us Jedi, war does?”</p><p>Anakin frowned. No, he had not contemplated that lately. He responded with an intelligent ”Uhhh…”</p><p>”Keep us preoccupied, the war does,” Master Yoda continued. ”Preoccupied with battle after battle after battle. Target after target after target. Alienated, we may grow, from ourselves. From who we truly are.”</p><p>Anakin’s gaze wandered across the room, blurry Councilor-shaped images sweeping across his vision as he refused to lock eyes with any of them. Despite the Grand Master’s seemingly inclusive and sympathetic ’we’, Anakin was almost certain these philosophical musings were leading up to a lecture now. He accidentally caught Obi-Wan’s eye again. Something was not right. </p><p>”Before you arrived, Master Kenobi submitted an additional report with regard to the Hardeen operation,” Master Windu informed. ”While we acknowledge that some of the responsibility falls on the Chancellor’s shoulders for sending you after Hardeen without consulting us first… I must say, some of these new details provided by Master Kenobi are quite… troubling. Particularly the part where you attacked him with the distinct intention of killing… while declaring, and I quote, ’This is for Obi-Wan.’” </p><p>Anakin’s lips parted, but no sound came out. He felt like someone had slipped a rug under his boots just to yank it away and leave him tripping over his feet. While it had never congealed into a conscious thought in his mind, for some reason he had kind of just quietly assumed that Obi-Wan would not mention the incident in question in his report. And he was sure now, both of them <em>had</em> already given a joint report to the Council. And while Obi-Wan had not outright lied, he’d painted a very different picture of the skirmish that had broken out between them and Cad Bane, carefully skirting around any details that put Anakin in a bad light.</p><p>He couldn't help the sense of betrayal that stabbed at his heart as it sank in that apparently, Obi-Wan had changed his mind.</p><p>”I… he was disguised as Hardeen,” Anakin faltered, as though the Councilors were not already aware of the fact. </p><p>”Yes, we are aware,” came the confirmation perfectly on cue, from Ki-Adi Mundi. ”We are not accusing you of harboring murderous intent towards your Master. Let’s assume for a moment that it <em>had</em> been Hardeen, and that he had, in fact, killed Obi-Wan. What do we teach about revenge, young one?” </p><p>Anakin’s jaw tightened. ”It is not the Jedi way."</p><p>”And what do we teach about attachment, a necessary prerequisite for vengeful intent?”</p><p>”…It’s forbidden.”</p><p>”We could have lost a fine Jedi Master as a result of your actions,” Adi Gallia remarked. ”There is a reason these things are… as you accurately put it… forbidden.”</p><p>Anakin wanted to open his mouth, to protest, to tell them off. As a result of <em>his</em> actions? Those actions would have never come to be if he’d just been let in on the plan from the beginning. It was all Obi-Wan’s own fault for deceiving him, and the Council’s fault for assisting in his sick hoax. So was deception the Jedi way, then? No? Mistrust? How about emotionally torturing your best friend? </p><p>But he clamped his lips shut and willed his tongue still. </p><p>”Something that has given us particular concern is the fact that Padawan Tano was with you at the time,” Windu continued. Again, Anakin was about to object when the Korun Master held up his hand. ”By no means are we questioning her abilities at handling unexpected high-risk situations. And clearly, our faith was not misplaced.” </p><p>Anakin frowned. Was that a dig at him for getting himself knocked out and having to be rescued by Ahsoka? He was not ashamed of that. He was proud of her. He had trained his young one well. </p><p>”Rather, we are wondering whether…” What followed was probably the first time Anakin had ever seen Mace Windu hesitate, weigh his words. It just wasn’t a part of his regular modus operandi. ”…you are setting a good example for your young and impressionable apprentice.”</p><p>Anakin’s jaw loosened. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. <em>’We’ are wondering?</em> Did this ’we’ include Obi-Wan? His gaze darted straight to his Master and stayed there, this time, as though direct eye contact could somehow force an answer out of him. Obi-Wan might have his flaws, and had certainly not shied away from flaunting them lately, but he had always respected Anakin’s capabilities as a teacher. </p><p>Right?</p><p>Sure, they would joke about it, but it was all in good fun. Anakin had heard everything from the classic exasperated sigh to ’do as he teaches, not as he does’, to say nothing of the endless supply of witticisms, ’two peas in an escape pod’, and so on. And sure, his mentoring style might be a little unorthodox, not unlike Anakin himself, but… that was the joke, right? And Anakin was in on it. And so was Ahsoka. </p><p>Obi-Wan didn’t actually think that Anakin was a bad influence on his Padawan. Just… a breath of fresh air amongst all those stuffy masters – </p><p>”And after discussing the matter with your Master… we have made the decision to transfer Padawan Tano into Obi-Wan’s tutelage for the time being. In addition, we are suspending you from active field duty for a period of six weeks. We hope that you will take this time to get some rest, meditate and self-reflect…” </p><p>”What?” Anakin finally found his voice, and with it, a couple of other things, such as utter and complete disbelief and rapidly mounting fury. ”You can’t do that! My Padawan is not going anywhere. Except back to the field, tomorrow, with me. As scheduled.” </p><p>”Skywalker… we are sorry. We are. But as Master Yoda so wisely observed, the war takes a toll on all of us. Sometimes, it’s best to take a step back and engage in some healthy self-evaluation. I assure you, we are trying to help you. But because there’s a Padawan involved –”</p><p>”That Padawan will never accept this lying down,” Anakin promised, feeling his cheeks heating up, his fingers curling into fists, and oh, his world ending. ”She is my apprentice and I am her Master, end of story!” But then, even as he was still uttering those words, he began to lose confidence in them. The older Jedi had actually substituted for him before, both officially and unofficially, while Anakin had been captured or healing from an injury or on shore leave. <em>That’s how they’ll spin this when they tell her,</em> he realized. Make it sound like he was taking a break while they questioned her about his teaching methods and made Anakin sound like a raging lunatic and gradually turned her against him –  </p><p><em>No! No!</em> a tiny voice inside him shrieked. <em>Obi-Wan-wouldn’t!</em> They were forcing him into this. Obi-Wan might be a bit of a stickler for rules, but he respected Anakin for having a mind of his own, and would never seek to actively undermine him like this. And more importantly, he knew how much Ahsoka meant to him. He would <em>never</em> – </p><p>Had a particularly hard stare been enough to shove someone back, Obi-Wan would have been pinioned so tightly against his seat, he might have suffocated. </p><p>Obi-Wan shifted in his chair, looking up from his folded hands as though he’d just been made aware of Anakin’s presence in the room. The calm glance that he cast in his direction plunged through the younger man like a dagger of ice. ”It’s for the best, Anakin.” </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. If Truth Be Told</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Padmé. Just the person to make Anakin feel better. She always knew what to say, even when all Anakin could manage was angry grunts or angry scowls. To be fair, he did usually manage them at the same time. Especially when he was angry. </p><p>Anakin sighed over the dashboard as he zoomed past the slower traffic in his yellow airspeeder. A part of him didn’t even want to tell Padmé. He’d already poured his heart out to the Chancellor, albeit prior to the outrage that had been the so-called debriefing. More like the beginning of the end of his Jedi career. Or the beginning of the end of his friendship with Obi-Wan. Or maybe they’d already reached the middle. All the same, he just really, <em>really</em> didn’t want to think or talk about the whole thing at all. </p><p>Maybe that was the reason Padmé always seemed to know what to say, because Anakin didn’t actually… <em>talk</em> about his problems with her. He’d always had a difficult time hiding his emotions so she could tell easily enough when he <em>was</em> having problems. But most of the time he would brush off her concerned inquiries or give a vague explanation along the lines of ’the war’s been stressing me out’ or sometimes just ’the Council’. </p><p>”Anakin! What a lovely surprise!”</p><p>The corners of Anakin’s lips curled in spite of himself as he stepped onto the veranda of Padmé’s apartment and found that his wife was already at home. Wrapped in a purple velvet robe, with her hair half-up in what seemed to be the remainder of her Senate hairdo of the day, she was as effortlessly stunning as always.  </p><p>”You’re the lovely surprise, back from work this early,” he bantered, drinking in her welcoming smile like a vagrant in the desert. But as the space closed between them and she leaned in for a kiss, he suddenly found his thirst was sated and turned away. </p><p>”What is it? What’s wrong?” Padmé inquired, a trace of hurt registering in the frown that settled on her features. </p><p>Anakin shook his head, brushing past her as though in search of something. He stopped when he realized that no, he wasn’t actually looking for anything or going anywhere; in fact, his wife was the one he’d come to see. He whirled around and plastered on a thin smile. </p><p>”Just… Obi-Wan.” He fought the urge to keep backpedaling, to escape the inevitable third degree into the bedroom and maybe try to gently prod the situation into a more pleasurable direction. On second thought, he wasn’t exactly in the mood right now. </p><p>But no follow-up questions came. Instead, understanding lit up on Padmé’s face and her shoulders slumped with a sympathetic sigh. What with the scant time that the husband and wife were able to spend in each other’s company, Anakin had straight-up forgotten that Padmé already knew about Obi-Wan’s deception. What she didn’t know was that since that theoretically happy discovery, things had gone way downhill. </p><p>”Right,” she said, folding her arms. ”I suppose we should… talk about that.” She fixed him with a sharp look. ”You didn’t know, did you?”</p><p>”I… I don’t feel like discussing this right now,” Anakin blurted, already feeling that deep-seated discomfort rising up within him, stirring a fight-or-flight response. And when it came to talking about stuff, he never wanted to fight. Now the more traditional kind of fighting, he welcomed. </p><p>”How convenient,” Padmé snorted. ”Seeing as you’re shipping out tomorrow.” </p><p>”…Not anymore.”</p><p>”What?” </p><p>Anakin sighed. Well, he’d committed now. And he’d had enough self-awareness to lament the fact that he never really opened up to Padmé. What better opportunity to start fixing that. </p><p>And so he told Padmé everything, starting from Obi-Wan’s funeral, to their confrontation on Nal Hutta, to learning from the kaadu’s mouth that it had been Obi-Wan’s idea to leave Anakin in the dark. How hurt and betrayed he’d felt. And then he told her about the debriefing and the suspension and how they were removing Ahsoka from his tutelage ’for the time being’, but really, it seemed, trying to get rid of Anakin once and for all, trying to pressure the black shaak of the Order into early retirement. And he told her about the way Obi-Wan had acted during the meeting, barely saying a word to Anakin or even looking his way, as though he was somehow… above it all, too good to even be in his Padawan’s presence all of a sudden. And finally, he told her what he’d told Palpatine: how this whole debacle had left him feeling like he just didn’t know his best friend at all anymore, and was beginning to doubt he ever really had. </p><p>Padmé listened without interruption, though she did cover her mouth in shock when Anakin got to the part where he’d tried to kill ’Hardeen’. Anakin supposed he had no right to feel annoyed at the gesture. Revenge was not the Jedi way, <em>yes,</em> he knew, and Obi-Wan could have died as a result of his actions, <em>yeah yeah yeah,</em> he got it. The notion was upsetting to him, too. But that wasn’t what this story was about. It was about how everything was really Obi-Wan’s fault. </p><p>Once again, Anakin felt the bitter bite of regret pierce through his heart as he thought that. He did not<em> want</em> to hate Obi-Wan – he just hated what he had done, and after today’s debriefing, was finding it increasingly hard to tell the two apart. </p><p>At some point, Anakin just ran out of words, and silence fell over the room. Anakin looked up from under his brows to gauge Padmé’s reaction, but couldn’t seem to get a read on her. Finally, her lips parted, remaining that way for a while before she said, ”Did you know… I almost faked my death, too, once?” </p><p>Anakin blinked, caught off guard by this unexpected confession. ”You…<em> huh?</em> What?” he stammered. </p><p>Padmé just nodded, like she was agreeing that the weather was indeed bad. ”You remember what happened two years ago, just shortly before our reunion, right here, in this apartment? I was leading the opposition against the Military Creation Act, and when I arrived on Coruscant to vote, there was an attempt on my life. An attempt that…” Her eyes lowered. ”…ended up claiming the life of my good friend and decoy, Cordé.” Shaking the pain off her face, she continued, ”But because Cordé was in full disguise at the time, the attempt was thought a success, and I was actually declared dead at the Senate, by Chancellor Palpatine himself. While this was happening, I was having an emergency meeting with my security team, where we discussed our strategy going forward. One of the strategies we considered was to let my death stick and use it as the perfect cover to lie low for a while, while I continued to lead the opposition from the shadows. A select few of my most trusted allies would have been let in on the plan, along with Chancellor Palpatine, of course. We’d already begun preparations, but I backed out at the last minute because it would have been disrespectful to Cordé’s memory. She deserved to be recognized and to have her sacrifice honored.”</p><p>Anakin stared blankly into the wistful gaze looking back at him. Yeah, on that he agreed, for sure, but… ”You were going to go through with it? You would have done that to your family?” Anakin knew he had no right to speak his next words, but they seemed to slip out of their own accord, ”To <em>me?</em>”  </p><p>Padmé flinched, like she’d touched a poisonous plant. ”Anakin… it was my best option at the time. We never got to discuss all the details –”</p><p>”I’m sorry, is it bantha shit week or something?” Anakin wondered, jaw hanging loose. ”Why is everyone in the entire universe in such a rush to organize their own funeral, all of a sudden? W-what? I would<em> never</em> –” </p><p>Anakin felt his lips clamping shut, once again seemingly without his permission, before he could finish the sentence. <em>Never do that to you,</em> he was going to say. <em>Nor Obi-Wan,</em> <em>for that matter,</em> he might have continued. But something stopped him, then. It wasn’t that he doubted the truthfulness of his words, not in the least. It was a different kind of doubt that slithered its way into his heart, in that moment. The nagging, insidious doubt that anyone would really care even if he were to drop dead right here and now. At least, not the way he cared about those closest to him. Not the way he seemed to care about every little damned thing. </p><p>”Anakin,” Padmé reached out to rub his arm. ”You didn’t let me finish. I understand why you’re upset. Truly, I do. I am sorry about Ahsoka. But Obi-Wan will take good care of her. And I’m sure by doing this, he’s only trying to take care of you. And this is a temporary arrangement, right?” </p><p>Anakin averted his gaze, watching her hand slide up and down the length of his sleeve from the corner of his eye. ”Yeah, I guess…”</p><p>”Can we talk about this tomorrow?” Padmé proposed. Her hand snapped away and came up to rub at her temple. ”It’s been a long day for me, too. And now that you’re on leave, we have all the time in the world, right?” </p><p>Anakin tried to smile. It probably came off as more of a grimace. ”Sure.”</p><p>”Come to bed,” Padmé murmured sleepily, taking his hand and tugging gently. ”It’s getting late.”</p><p>It really was. A deep blue twilight had fallen upon Coruscant hours ago, a constantly shifting mosaic of neon signs and headlights illuminating the nocturnal cityscape. It was at that moment, as Anakin peered over the veranda, that he felt a little poke bouncing off his mind shields. </p><p>”I should…” he mumbled, dropping Padmé’s hand. ”They’ll be shipping out early in the morning. Ahsoka and… and Obi-Wan. I should… go say goodbye to her.” </p><p>”Oh. Of course,” Padmé agreed. </p><p>”All the time in the world, right?” Anakin smiled, in another awkward attempt at levity. ”I’ll be back before you know it.” To seal that promise, he leaned down to give his wife a quick peck on the lips. </p><p>She tasted just as alien and distant as did everything else these days, from Obi-Wan to his own heart and the likelihood of a long and prosperous Jedi career for Anakin Skywalker.</p><p>-</p><p>He found Ahsoka in her quarters at the Jedi Temple, leaning over her desk and cursing loudly at a holoprojector. </p><p>”Heyyyy, Snips,” he drawled. Third time was the charm, it seemed, because this time the lightness in his tone sounded entirely natural. The teenager jumped at the sound of his voice, scowling as she twisted around to see Anakin approaching from the doorway. ”Who in all the karking Sith hells taught you those words? Was it the same guy who decided to just up and skip the lesson on how to stay alert at all times?” </p><p>”Master!” Ahsoka exclaimed, spinning around on her swivel chair and leaping to her feet. ”I’ve been trying to reach you for an hour!” </p><p>”I know, I know. Sorry about that.”</p><p>His apology was left hanging in the air for a fair while as an awkward silence seemed to swallow the room whole. Finally, Anakin took a couple more paces forward, just stopping short of his Padawan’s personal space, and said, ”I guess we should address the kaadu in the room, huh? What was it that you called me just now? Ex-Master?” </p><p>”Nuh-uh,” Ahsoka protested, a fire burning in her bright blue eyes. ”You are and will always be my Master. And you have to believe me,” her voice took on a pleading tone, ”I didn't want this! I would never, ever just dump you aside and go find a better Master, because there <em>is</em> no better Master! And, and –” Anakin tried to interrupt, but words were just pouring from her mouth like a rush of water through a broken dam. ”– you know I like Master Kenobi, but this is all <em>wrong</em> and he should be standing up for you instead of backing the Council on this bantha sh –”</p><p>”Alright, already,” Anakin finally managed to cut in. ”I’ll have you know that I already used that expression today, and would still like to know the identity of the filthy-mouthed, no doubt extremely handsome and talented fellow who is teaching you such… colorful language.”</p><p>They exchanged fond smirks, even as Ahsoka let out an unhappy sigh and folded her arms across her chest. </p><p>”Look, I know you had nothing to do with it,” Anakin told her. ”But Obi-Wan didn’t just ’back the Council’, either. It was his idea. Just like it was his idea to leave you and me out of the loop when he… you know.” </p><p>”What?” Ahsoka gasped in disbelief, taking a half-pace back. </p><p>Truthfully, Anakin had no solid proof to support this accusation. He didn’t even know why he’d said that, like he knew it as an absolute fact. What <em>had</em> been Obi-Wan’s idea was reporting Anakin’s un-Jedi-like behavior to the Council, which had prompted the discussion that eventually led to the decision to suspend Anakin and transfer Ahsoka to Obi-Wan. </p><p>But for some reason… he didn’t feel the need to amend his statement. For some reason, even though deep down (or maybe even pretty damn close to the surface) he still loved Obi-Wan… it felt <em>good</em> to let his anger out like this. To just shove all the blame on Obi-Wan regardless of whether he deserved it or not. To fault him for every little thing that was going wrong in Anakin's life. It was unfair of him, <em>yeah yeah yeah,</em> he knew that. Not to mention, it reminded him of his bratty past self, that naive and overeager child who’d been in such a hurry to shed his training wheels and ditch his strict Master, and he remembered all too well where that attitude had gotten him. </p><p>But Anakin didn’t care. It was as though he’d swallowed a poisonous snake whose venom was seeping into his bloodstream as the slimy creature slowly dissolved in the pit of his stomach, until the stuff was foaming off his tongue and dripping over his lips. And the taste was disgusting and delicious at the same time.  </p><p>It took Anakin a moment to realize that Ahsoka wasn’t just reacting to his unsupported half-lie, but to the entirely true assertion that it had been Obi-Wan’s idea to leave them both in the dark when he’d decided to fake his own death. She looked so shocked, like she’d suddenly forgotten how to either speak or close her mouth. Once again, Anakin had half a mind to say something in his Master’s defense. An impulse that quickly dissipated when Ahsoka found her words and declared, ”That’s… that is <em>so</em> wrong and messed-up! I assumed the Council talked him into it!”</p><p>”Nope, all him,” Anakin muttered, avoiding her eyes. All this poison streaming through his system couldn’t be good for the soul, but there was no getting rid of the snake and the sticky, seething stuff that seemed to be making his very heart beat, now. </p><p>Ahsoka stomped her foot like a youngling. ”I’m not going anywhere with him tomorrow! I… I didn’t think him capable of something like this! I held him in my arms as he died! I cried for him, for days!”</p><p>Still not meeting his Padawan's gaze, Anakin fixated on a fading stain on the wall instead, hovering just above the outline of her shoulder. <em>So did I,</em> he thought. Out loud, he said, ”The 501st will need a Commander.” At least, he assumed it was still his men leaving with Ahsoka and Obi-Wan tomorrow. ”Do it for Rex and the boys.” </p><p>”I guess,” Ahsoka sighed miserably. ”And I know I’m a Jedi, and I’m supposed to be above this kind of stuff…”</p><p>”Oh, I know <em>I’m</em> not above it,” Anakin snorted. ”In fact, I’m so far beneath it I can just about see the molten core of this planet.” </p><p>They shared a hollow laugh, and then Ahsoka cast him a meaningful look, the corner of her lip twisting funnily as it always did when she thought deeply about something. ”Yeah, I guess there’s a more mature way to handle this. I’ll talk to him, okay, Master? Tell him that I want to be your Padawan and no one else’s and to reverse the Council’s decision immediately. And ask him if he’s planning to apologize for what he did anytime soon. And tell him that we’re more than willing to forgive him, but hey, dude, that was kind of karked up of you, yeah?”</p><p>Anakin smiled. ”Maybe don’t say ’dude’. Or ’karked up’. But other than that, yeah. That sounds good.”</p><p>”And Master?” </p><p>”Yeah?”</p><p>Ahsoka hesitated, searching for the right words. ”Obviously I don’t agree with the Council’s decision in any way… but this could actually be good for you. You know. The war has been your entire life for the past two years. So, while we’re away… promise me you’ll take this time to relax and enjoy yourself for once, okay? Think of it as a vacation, and not a suspension, okay? Please? For me?”</p><p>A fond smirk just shy of a full-blown grin crept on Anakin’s face. ”Well… since I told you to go along with this nonsense for Rex, I guess I owe you one.” </p><p>”Yep, afraid it’s part of the deal now,” Ahsoka informed him, extending her hand in a theatrical gesture. </p><p>”Alright, it’s a deal,” Anakin agreed, and they shook on it in an equally dramatic fashion. ”Well, I should be going,” he said as their hands disengaged. ”Leave you to catch a few winks before you have to get up. I’m officially unemployed, so I guess I’ll just go watch holodramas and eat hubba chips and completely mess up my sleeping schedule.”</p><p>Ahsoka snorted and elbowed him playfully in the ribs. ”Not like you’ve ever needed a holodrama marathon to accomplish that."</p><p>”True,” Anakin admitted. ”Thought I’d mix it up a little and actually put forth some effort this time. Well, good night. Have a safe journey,” he waved as he turned on his heel, whirling around once more as he reached the doorway. ”May the Force be with you.”</p><p>He didn’t ask her to relay these wishes to Obi-Wan, but he still… well, wished them. Deep down. </p><p>Or maybe even kind of close to the surface.</p><p>”And with you, Master.” </p><p>-</p><p>”What is thy bidding, Master?”</p><p>”Get her hurt. Get her hurt on your watch. Let me be very clear: I want her hurt, not killed. To eliminate her at this stage would result in too many variables, which is a scenario we cannot afford. I much prefer it when my plans proceed in a reliably… predictable fashion.”</p><p>”Understood, Master.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. And Your Enemies Closer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>unreliable narrators are still unreliable and their perception of the world extremely subjective/narrow/sometimes  erroneous. just something to keep in mind as you trudge through this angst fest :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cody was gone. </p><p>They’d taken him away later on the same day that Obi-Wan had woken up in his cell and found his ill-fated Commander in the neighboring one. The same day he’d been implanted with the wretched device that apparently allowed his spiritual individuality, or at least an imitation of it, to be conveyed across the Force and trapped inside the body of another. That would be the person currently impersonating him – the treacherous, disgraced clone trooper Slick. And he knew the technology worked, because he’d already been fooled by it once, when Slick had masqueraded as none other than his very own second-in-command.   </p><p>Poor Cody. </p><p>Poor Anakin. As absurd as it seemed, apparently he was at the center of all this. He was the endgame in this sickening, inhuman scheme that Chancellor Palpatine – Darth Sidious – had orchestrated. Obi-Wan huffed out a dry chuckle despite himself. As opposed to all the other sickening, inhuman schemes that the man had also orchestrated. At present, Obi-Wan simply did not possess the mental capacity to spare any more thought to his other plots. He could tell, already the minuscule pill inside him was taking its toll on his mind and body, gripping a tighter and tighter hold on each individual midichlorian as they were all stretched thin and torn from their natural habitat to be locked away and held prisoner inside a foreign bodily cage. Poor, poor Cody. How he must have suffered here, all alone and abandoned in the dark.  </p><p>Yes, Anakin and Cody. Those were the two people that Obi-Wan could still muster the energy to care about right now. Although it was unlikely that the latter was even alive anymore, having outlived his usefulness as a human experiment/midichlorian power plant. Perhaps he ought to start passing time by mourning his Commander instead.  </p><p>
  <em>Tempting as that sounds… </em>
</p><p>Inevitably, his thoughts turned back to Anakin. The most frustrating part of all this was, the more time he spent in this red-tinted cell, the more clearly he saw the ingenuity behind Palpatine’s seemingly ludicrous plan. The man had said it himself, Obi-Wan had literally handed him a final parting gift when he’d made the monumentally foolish and heartless decision to make Anakin believe he was dead. So if the real Obi-Wan Kenobi was capable of something like that… just what sort of horrors could his impersonator convince Anakin he was capable of? </p><p>Palpatine had admitted that the reason he wanted Obi-Wan out of the picture now was because he and Anakin were getting along far too well these days, which was interfering with his plans to win Anakin’s allegiance for himself. But even if that might be true, Obi-Wan couldn’t pretend that their relationship was perfect, by any means. Obi-Wan still often found himself playing the mediator between Anakin and the Jedi Council, or even more often, between Anakin and the Jedi Code. At times, it might look to Anakin like he was taking the Council’s side, no matter how much he told himself that he was just trying to help him see their point – and vice versa, of course. He had served as Anakin’s Jedi Master for ten years, and could still slip into that role every now and then. And by ’slip into that role’, he meant, as Anakin would have put it, ’get all lecture-y’. And by ’every now and then’, he meant ’probably more often than he realized’. </p><p>And as for Anakin… the young man always been a rather private person and he wasn’t always the easiest person to read, either, so there was probably a lot that he was bottling up inside and not communicating to Obi-Wan, which in and of itself was a cause for concern. But one thing that Obi-Wan had noticed was the way he would sometimes make seemingly good-natured jokes about Obi-Wan’s… Jedi-ness. How something was easy for him, because he was the perfect Jedi, remember? Of course Obi-Wan would think so, because that was the Jedi way. Sometimes, these ostensibly innocent quips seemed to cross the line into passive aggression. And even when they didn’t, the thing about jokes was that they were funny because they had a grain of truth in them. This was the way Anakin perceived him. The perfect Jedi. The Council’s lapdog. Was that someone he aspired to be? </p><p>And sometimes, it had to be said, he found it difficult to understand… he might have said Anakin’s unique experience in life and journey into Jedihood, so very different from his own. He might have said Anakin’s penchant for extreme recklessness and unorthodox battle tactics. And both would have been true. But what he really meant was that sometimes, he found it difficult to understand Anakin himself. </p><p>A shortcoming that, he now realized, had never kept him from being the perfect Jedi. It had only kept him from being a better friend. </p><p>So what would happen if an impostor were to take his place and consciously start amplifying those qualities about him that Anakin most resented? Those things that often seemed to exist only in the repressed backrooms of their minds and hearts, but had been slowly and insidiously gnawing a rupture into their relationship all these years? What if an impersonator were to come along and rob him of any chance at improvement that he otherwise might have had? </p><p>Obi-Wan was spared the obligation of having to think of an answer when he heard a familiar clattering noise from the front of the cell. His daily platter of necessary sustenance had just arrived through the tray slot. Oh, joy. Ironically, the usual contents of this delectable offering had a way of sucking away his will to live.  </p><p>Good thing his body was almost too drained of energy already to muster the motivation to move itself. </p><p>Shame that it was only almost.</p><p>-</p><p>”I really appreciate this, Chancellor,” Anakin sighed gratefully as he reached over the desk and handed the newly mended datapad to the man in question. The finished spreadsheet with the politician’s weekly schedule already adorned the screen. ”Just… I really appreciate it. Thank you.” </p><p>From behind the desk, Palpatine smiled as he accepted the offering. ”I think you mean, ’you’re welcome, Chancellor’?” </p><p>”No, I don’t,” Anakin assured him with a smile. ”If you hadn’t fixed me up with this job, I honestly think I would’ve just,” he simulated a dramatic implosion with his hands, ”disintegrated of boredom already.” </p><p>”I would hardly call it a job, running an errand here, fixing a few devices there,” Palpatine chuckled, scrolling down the spreadsheet. ”And besides, I’m your friend and this is what friends do, is it not? Help each other out?” </p><p>”That they do,” Anakin muttered, his thoughts inevitably drifting to Obi-Wan and his very unique idea of ’helping’ his former student. Spoiler alert: it involved a lot more of stealing his Padawan away and putting Anakin in this situation in the first place. ”I just…” </p><p>Palpatine looked up from the datapad, as though sensing the shift in Anakin’s thoughts. Even amid his frustration, Anakin felt a flicker of warmth inside. The man could read him so well. </p><p>”The Jedi are spread thin as it is. The Council, they… they know they can’t afford to do this. They can’t just pull us from the front and send us on six-week timeouts every time we…” <em>Make a mistake? Try to murder our friends who lied to us?</em>  Anakin realized he couldn’t think of another case even remotely comparable to his own. Undeterred, he burst out, ”But I guess they can afford to do without <em>me.</em> Because I’m just that bad of a failure as a Jedi.” </p><p>Palpatine’s sympathetic demeanor took on a harder edge. ”I have to say, my boy, I am not at all impressed with the Council’s treatment of you and the aftermath of this… deeply upsetting affair. I have said this before and I will say it again: they have never appreciated your talents. And if I may be blunt, it seems to me they barely appreciate you as a human being. Which, considering your background…” His words cut off with a knife-like harshness as he heard himself. ”Oh, forgive me, me boy. I should not have said that. I did not mean to –”  </p><p>”No, no… it’s okay,” Anakin assured him, too drained mentally to scrutinize the Chancellor’s choice of words any further. The Council had never liked him, what else was new? </p><p>”Still, it is your Master’s behavior that I find the most disappointing,” Palpatine continued, eliciting a spike in Anakin’s attention. ”Not only did he betray your trust and pin the blame on you for his own, grievous errors in judgment… but he actively sought to punish you, too, when he went to the Council.”  </p><p>Anakin averted his gaze. He did not like talking about this, but… ”You know, I’ve been thinking. Maybe he was right to do that. Maybe I did deserve to be punished. I wish they’d chosen a different way to implement that punishment, but… you know, they’re right. I <em>did</em> let vengeance consume me. When I went after Hardeen, I was acting out of revenge… and rage, and… attachment to Obi-Wan. Listen to me, just listing off things that are forbidden to a Jedi. And they know that. They know it as well as I do. I <em>am</em> a failure as a Jedi. That’s just a fact.”   </p><p>Palpatine was silent for a beat before rising from his chair and circling around the desk over to Anakin. He rested a fatherly hand on his shoulder. His earnest gaze seemed to scorch the surface of Anakin’s eyes. ”But you are not a failure as a friend. You were tricked into believing your Master was dead and you wanted revenge. It’s only natural. These things that you feel are <em>natural,</em> Anakin. The way you felt about what happened was <em>human,</em> and the way you reacted was simply not the emotionless, automated response that you would expect from your garden-variety Jedi. Your steadfast loyalty, your great capacity for feeling... these qualities do you credit, Anakin. Truly.” </p><p>”I don't know. I think it’s one thing to feel a certain way, and another to act on it,” Anakin’s voice dropped to an almost-whisper and the pace of his speech slowed down as he reiterated his point. ”Revenge, it’s just… it’s not what we do. Garden-variety or not, it's… it’s not the Jedi way.” </p><p>The creases on Palpatine’s brow shifted minutely. ”And have you ever wondered whether the Jedi way is the only way?” He let out a huffy breath. ”Really, what good is a man who only ever feels and never acts on those feelings?” </p><p>Anakin found himself nodding along to the second point before the first one had finished sinking in. Palpatine's passionate arguments in his defense were starting to make him forget what his 'steadfast loyalty' and 'acting on those feelings' had almost led to in this specific case. ”I… yeah. No, I mean, I <em>know</em> it’s not the only way. For the grand majority of people, it’s not even… <em>a</em> way. But I’ve made a commitment to the Jedi. And now more than ever, with the war, and everything, I… I can’t just walk away.” </p><p>”Hm,” Palpatine hummed. ”Curious, because merely a moment ago you said the Jedi don’t need you at the front.” </p><p>A lifeless chuckle rippled up from Anakin’s throat. ”I did say that, but what I meant was…” The young man swallowed, letting silence devour his words. There was a distinct possibility that he’d meant exactly what he’d said. And did it even matter what <em>he’d</em> meant? The Jedi had still suspended him like a used rag out to dry.  </p><p>”Ah well. No matter what you decide… just know that you will always have a place right here, my boy.” The Chancellor gestured vaguely around the room before bringing his hand to his collarbones to indicate himself. ”And I don’t mean just bringing my caf or fixing my spreadsheets. If you ever feel like you need… guidance, or a brand new direction in life… just know that I’m here for you, and that I can help you find your way. I know things may seem desolate right now. Both your Master and your darling student have left you behind, and I suspect in some way you feel as though life has left you behind. But you are not alone, Anakin. You can depend on me to never waver in my friendship and loyalty to you.”  </p><p>Anakin couldn’t see his expression, but he suspected the intended gratitude on his face came across as somewhat subdued. ”Thank you, Chancellor. It’s… it’s good to have a friend like you.” He tilted his head in hesitation. ”Though I wouldn’t say they have left me behind, exactly. Except in a literal sense. In fact, in spite of everything that’s happened between us, I’m still greatly comforted by the fact that I <em>know</em> Ahsoka is in good hands with Obi-Wan and the 501st. That I don’t have to worry.”  </p><p>”Hm,” the Chancellor smiled. ”Your faith is your Master is truly touching.”  </p><p>”Faith…” Anakin echoed, tasting the word on his tongue. It, too, sparked one of those nice, warm feelings in his chest. ”Yeah. I guess I still do have faith in him. Faith is different from trust. More enduring, I suppose. Or I don’t know.” </p><p>The fabric of his Jedi robes thudded rhythmically as the Chancellor patted him on the shoulder. ”What a wonderful friend he has in you, Anakin,” he complimented. ”Better than he deserves, really. Oh, look at the time flying. Well then… I will see you tomorrow, same time, I hope?”</p><p>”Absolutely,” Anakin promised. ”You’re not getting rid of your errand boy that easily.”  </p><p>”Excellent. Good help is hard to find these days,” the Chancellor joked before escorting Anakin to the door and waving him not goodbye, but a reaffirming see-you. </p><p>-</p><p>The dead of the night was at its darkest and deadest when Anakin got the call from Rex. It was the name ’Commander Tano’ that first snapped him into attentiveness. After that, even in his wide awake state, he couldn’t make out much beyond ’injured on the field’, and ’reach Coruscant within the hour’. The clone captain might have ended the call with a conspiratorial whisper about not being supposed to notify the General and how he was directly disobeying that order, but Anakin couldn’t be sure. He’d already launched himself out of bed, murmured a vague apology to Padmé and jumped onto his speeder. </p><p>He wasn’t sure what happened during the near-hour that he waited at the Temple, either. He was barely aware of standing on the front steps, staring out into the neon-lit night, hearing blood rush through his head. There might have been a few other Jedi around. Some of them might have spoken to him. He didn’t know. </p><p>It was only as the Republic transport ship glided down from the skies and landed on the courtyard that Anakin jolted out of his shell-shocked state. Suddenly he was hyperaware of every little detail, such as the fact that he recognized this ship. That red symbol that peeked out from the side… it was the one with the best-equipped medbay, usually reserved for the treatment of particularly grave injuries or abnormal ailments. </p><p>He swatted away every arm, every admonition that tried to keep him from approaching the stretcher that slid down from the bowels of the ship. An entourage of clones encircled the unconscious patient, helping to steer the stretcher as Kix pushed it along from the back shouting instructions and adjusting the oxygen mask on Ahsoka’s face.  </p><p>”What happened?” Anakin heard himself demand, his voice a distant, ghostly echo that seemed to belong in someone else’s bad memory or nightmare. ”What happened, is she going to be okay?”</p><p>”All due respect, General Skywalker, but you can’t be here,” Kix informed him coolly, continuing to push the stretcher with one hand as the other one reached to literally keep his superior officer at an arm’s length. </p><p>”Answer the question!” Anakin yelled, spit flying from his mouth and catching the light from the inside as the stretcher was pushed through the temple doors and steered towards the infirmary.</p><p>”Again, all due respect, General, but you are currently suspended from duty and therefore I don’t have to take orders from you,” Kix snapped at him, continuing to push Anakin back as the temple healers came hurrying down the stairs and surrounded the stretcher and blocked Ahsoka from his view. Before the medic disappeared with the healers, Anakin saw him lock eyes with Rex, who was looking a little apologetic. </p><p>”Please, I just wanna know that she’s going to be okay,” Anakin demanded from no one in particular, the earlier anger in his voice waning down to pleas. Several people consisting of clones and Jedi alike were now holding him back as Ahsoka vanished from his line of vision with the healers. And still he continued to fight them and try and jostle his way through the flock, when one specific presence in the Force snapped his attention away, as surely as if they’d grabbed him by the chin and forced him to look. </p><p>
  <em>Obi-Wan. </em>
</p><p>There he stood, a little farther back, removed from the group by a few steps. An inscrutable expression hovered over his face, devoid of any particularly strong emotion except perhaps disapproval. At only a few meters’ distance from Anakin, he’d never seemed so far away, so… barely even present. </p><p>Anger flared anew inside Anakin. <em>How dare he.</em> How dare he act so aloof, so detached, when he was the one who – </p><p>”You! <em>You</em> did this!” Before Anakin knew it, his legs had resumed moving, circling around the crowd to advance menacingly on Obi-Wan. Each footfall sent a thump through him, alternating with the feverish throbs of his pulse as a rush of venom washed through him, coursing through his veins and overtaking every clear thought in his head and every nerve in his body. ”You were supposed to protect her! This is your fault, this is <em>all your fault!</em>”</p><p>Obi-Wan held his hands up in his trademark diplomatic fashion, "Anakin -" </p><p>Heads were turning and arms were grabbing at Anakin again, but he didn’t care. A voice somewhere deep in his core was shouting, <em>what are you doing?,</em> but Anakin refused to listen. In that moment, he was a man possessed. All the pent-up feelings about Obi-Wan’s betrayal, his behavior at the debriefing, even petty little things from over the years, the<em> Jedi this and the Code that, the Council here and Master there and you will learn your place, young one,</em> rushed to the surface and took control of Anakin’s body. There was not a force of nature in the universe that could have stopped him when he brought his closed fist above his shoulder, a forearm’s length from the alarm dawning on Obi-Wan’s features, and yanked it back hard –  </p><p>Other than himself, of course. And Rex. It was not entirely clear. The would-be assailant himself might have hesitated for a fraction of a second before Rex jumped in and grabbed his wrist from behind, stopping the fist at the end of it from meeting the center of Obi-Wan’s face. </p><p>The damage, however, was already done. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Stranger Things Have Happened</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Dreams pass in time. </em>
</p><p>Obi-Wan remembered telling Anakin as much not so long ago. Such an offhand comment, such a casual dismissal of the recurring nightmares his then-Padawan had been having of his mother through the last few weeks leading up to her death. </p><p><em>Dreams pass in time,</em> a voice now whispered in his ear. Things like day and night had lost all meaning many ill-defined time units ago, and sleep continued to elude him just as persistently as did full wakefulness, but if there was one thing he could count on even in his present, nebulous state of existence, it was that every time his eyes did fall shut, he would see him. See Anakin. And perhaps more importantly, hear him. </p><p>It was always post-rescue, always a different imaginary scenario of their first conversation, after the dust had settled and injuries had healed and all the platitudes had been said. </p><p>Sometimes, they were at it for what seemed like an infinite stretch of metaphysical dream hours. Sometimes they were screaming, sometimes they were crying, sometimes Anakin was the only one screaming and crying. </p><p>Other times, it wasn’t so much a conversation between two equal participants as it was a bitter comment from Anakin, a nonchalant indication of unforgiveness, in spite of everything and anything that could have persuaded him otherwise. The swish of fabric twisting, heels turning, the sharp clack of a door closing between them. </p><p>And still other times, there was just silence. Hands shifting, lips parting, false starts to a theoretical conversation they both felt an obligation to have but didn’t quite know how to begin. Never had, and maybe never would. The abstract dream hours would turn to abstract dream days, weeks, months in a quiet, anticlimactic fashion, their lives would settle back into normal, the war would continue on, and words, whether spoken and unspoken, would be lost in time, while actions would still stand, and the damage would endure. </p><p><em>Dreams pass in time.</em> Eventually, reality would have to take over. </p><p>-</p><p>They weren’t letting Anakin see her. No one was telling him anything. Following several unsuccessful attempts to enter the infirmary by force, he’d been all but banned from the premises. The only way he was getting in was on a stretcher. And Anakin had toyed with the idea – it’d be easy to arrange just a tiny little speeder accident with minimal collision damage and no lasting injury to himself – but no doubt the healers would see right through him and make sure to lock him up in a secluded unit as far away from Ahsoka as physically possible. </p><p>Every waking moment and the rare sleeping one, he saw her, on the stretcher, oxygen mask over her face, so still and small, a shadow of the fiery, animated young woman he was used to picturing her as. Granted, he’d seen her injured in the past; heck, he’d been witness to her actual death in the past – wow, that really seemed to be going around lately, huh? – which would have been horrible enough on its own, as no teenage girl should've had half as many near-death experiences under their belt as Ahsoka did. But for some reason Anakin couldn’t put his finger on, something just felt… different this time. Underneath fifteen all-consuming layers of pure worry lay the unshakable feeling that something was not quite right, and that something was hiding in plain sight, mocking him. Maybe it was the lack of information, or the fact that she’d gotten hurt on Obi-Wan’s watch, under such… complicated circumstances for everyone involved. All of those things added to his anxiety, but Anakin also knew that panic was a luxury he just could not afford. Let his brain spiral into one too many nightmare scenarios and he’d soon lose the ability to function, and along with that, his usefulness to Ahsoka. </p><p>Not that he was exactly the picture of usefulness at present, sitting alone in his temple quarters that they were still graciously allowing him to use, watching hours tick by as he waited for news about Ahsoka. He was fairly certain he was being guarded, or at least watched. After the last time he’d been – <em>ahem</em> – escorted to his quarters in a peaceful and civilized manner, he’d made no further attempts to leave, so he didn’t know it for a fact, it was just kind of a natural assumption to make for someone in his position. Which was that of a… feral, caged animal? An overgrown problem child? A liability? </p><p>Whatever one might call it, it must be a pretty unique position for an Order member of his status and prominence to be in. How many precedents could there be to a fully-fledged Jedi Knight making a huge, hysterical scene in front of half the temple, screaming threats and shaking their fists at their former Jedi Master and current Council member? Probably not many. Well, leave it to Anakin to make that questionable mark on Jedi history. </p><p>It was strange how calm he felt now – well, underneath those fifteen layers of worry with a side of foreboding, anyway – considering just how out of control he’d acted then, how fast his falling-out with Obi-Wan had reached a boiling point. As long as Ahsoka pulled through – which she would have to, because anything other than a swift and full recovery was unthinkable, and unacceptable – he and Obi-Wan might as well be through, he thought. Anakin didn’t even care. If it came down to choosing between Ahsoka’s life and his own… anything of his own, the choice was easy. </p><p>Not that it was in his power to make such a choice. But if it were, he would have taken that deal without hesitation, from whatever higher entity was offering it; the Force, a demon, any of the Mortis gods, were they still around and listening. But no such luck, as the Force was the only one within immediate reach, and the best thing it had to offer was – <em>ugh</em> – its will. </p><p>At some point, a familiar Force signature swam into Anakin’s awareness, drawing steadily closer until it was knocking on his door. Anakin sprang up from his bed, refusing to invite Obi-Wan in, but allowing his anxiety for news about Ahsoka to spill into the Force. </p><p>”How is she? Is she going to be okay?” he was already bombarding Obi-Wan before the man had barely crossed the threshold. It was odd – one minute he was a distant, yet easily identifiable flicker in the Force; the next, he was a tangible, physical presence hovering just steps away from him. And yet, with every further pace he took into the room, he only seemed to get farther and farther away, like an apparition disappearing into a misty night. </p><p>”She’s recovering from surgery. The official word from the healers is that she’s in a tentatively stable condition.”</p><p>”Surgery?” Anakin repeated with horror. ”’Tentatively stable’, what does that even mean? Stable, but not really?”</p><p>Obi-Wan responded with a silence that simultaneously said a great deal and nothing at all. </p><p>”What happened?” Anakin bit out. </p><p>”She was caught in an explosion during a scouting mission that caused parts of an overhead ceiling to collapse on her,” came the matter-of-fact answer.  </p><p>Anakin nodded, though it was more of a reflex than a signal of acknowledgment, much less acceptance. He tried really hard not to picture the scene, but it was just far too easy. It wasn’t as though there hadn’t been similar incidents in the past. Immediately his thoughts flashed back to that wretched series of events at the weapons factory where Ahsoka and Barriss had been trapped under a massive heap of rubble and fought nearly to their last breath to stay alive until rescue had arrived in the nick of time. </p><p>Anakin sighed, meeting Obi-Wan’s eye, though the contact burned him like a blowtorch being utilized for torture. Was this what it had come to? Just <em>looking</em> at him was torture? Mustering the last remains of his desire for harmony and willingness to understand, he whispered, ”I know you… I know you must have done everything in your power to keep her from harm.” </p><p>He wished he could claim full confidence in his words, but evidence to the contrary stood right in front of him, without so much as a scratch on him. How could Obi-Wan possibly have done his utmost to protect Ahsoka if he hadn’t even been <em>there?</em></p><p>Still, it occurred to him that <em>someone</em> had to have been. He suddenly felt awful, having been so sick with worry over Ahsoka that he’d completely forgotten to inquire after his men. </p><p>”How many others were… injured?”</p><p>Obi-Wan shifted, adjusting his already perfectly upright standing position. ”We were fortunate enough not to have sustained any further casualties, this time.”</p><p>”What?” Anakin frowned. ”What are you talking about, was there… was there no one else present at the scene? Was there <em>no one</em> with her, how is that possible?”</p><p>”Anakin, no one could have predicted the danger that lay within that compound. We’d sent Ahsoka scouting because she was the only one small enough to fit through the –”</p><p>”I don’t wanna hear your excuses,” Anakin decided then and there. His feet were moving without conscious command, backing away in uncoordinated stumbles towards the nearest supportive structure. ”There’s just… no explanation you could give that’s going to satisfy me, okay? You should have been there, you should have never let her out of your sight. You should have protected her and you failed! You failed, and you didn’t even try. And I’m starting to suspect… you’re not even sorry.”</p><p>Anakin stopped to catch his feverish breath. It was like his surroundings and the contents of his stomach were tilting around at opposite angles and attempting to meet in a middle point that kept evading its pursuers. Nothing felt real, everything was <em>wrong,</em> and he couldn't believe he'd ever been under the illusion that it wasn't. </p><p>”I can’t do this,” he finally said, voice cracking as he forced the truth out. ”This… Jedi thing. I’m not cut out for it.”</p><p>”Do elaborate.”</p><p>Anakin swept a frustrated hand across the air, ”Well, take you, for instance. This,” he gestured around himself, ”all of this, it’s so easy for you. You’re a natural-born Jedi – so unaffected, so detached, so above it all in every situation. You talk about casualties like you’re describing a speck of dirt on your blinding white tunic. Is that what she is to you, a casualty? Then what does that make me? A nuisance? A shameful stain on your otherwise perfect record? A lump of emotions for you to exploit when it’s convenient, because at other times it’s just embarrassing? You know what, that’s fair. I guess that's the only thing I'm good for. <em>Feeling.</em>"  Hot blood thrummed in his ears, filling their insides with dull, white noise, and Anakin clenched his fists tight, pressing them against his temples and then throwing them down in a harsh arc, "I feel – <em>everything,</em> so intensely, all the time. I feel enough for the both of us and then some. Enough to set this whole temple on fire ten times over! You think I want to? You think I chose to be this way because it’s just so much fun slowly falling apart at the seams, having a minor breakdown at every little thing that will barely get an ’oh well’ from any self-respecting Jedi? No, and it’s time I stopped trying to fool myself. Because I’m certainly not fooling the Council, not anymore!”  </p><p>He paced wildly around the room, pulling in clipped, tense breaths of air. He wasn’t entirely sure where all of this was coming from, or what any of it had to do with Ahsoka, but he was sure it needed to be said. Then again, hearing the echoes of his rant ripple through the space between them, it kind of just sounded like a garbled, crazed slurry of words to his ears. </p><p>Obi-Wan watched him with expressionless eyes, infuriatingly calm in the face of his resentment. ”If you’re referring to your little outburst last night, we shall await the Council’s verdict on that matter.” </p><p>This pulled Anakin up short. He stared at Obi-Wan hard and unblinkingly. ”Did you listen to a word I just said?” </p><p>His eyes narrowed to slits as he shifted a few inches closer, like he was trying to make out a figure in the distance. He opened his mouth again to assure Obi-Wan that he’d meant every word, that he had every intention of taking the initiative in resigning from the Order before the Council could further humiliate him by beating him to the punch and expelling him, when, once again, he remembered bitterly what this entire conflict was supposedly centered around. </p><p>
  <em>Ahsoka.</em>
</p><p>He couldn’t possibly quit now, not while she lay helpless in the infirmary, bruised and broken and already having the worst week ever without him adding abandonment to the mix. No, he had to take his chances that the Council would still let him stay, or he could forget about seeing her… ever again, probably. Force, he might have to get on his knees and beg the Council to let him stay. </p><p>
  <em>Might as well start now.</em>
</p><p>”Just… please let me see her. Please.”</p><p>Obi-Wan was already moving towards the door. ”I’m afraid it is out of my hands.” They exchanged final, empty looks before he vanished through the door like he’d left behind his ghostly state and become one with the mist. </p><p>Flashbacks from the weapons factory were haunting Anakin again. Master Unduli’s words tolled loud through his head: </p><p>
  <em>I, too, care for my apprentice.</em><br/>
<em>But if their time has come…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am prepared to let my student go. </em>
</p><p>Anakin’s fists curled at his sides.<em> If her time has come. Prepared to let her go. The will of the Force.</em>  All those pompous Jedi platitudes – all just the same, flowery way of saying that they really didn’t care whether Ahsoka lived to see tomorrow or not. He knew that the Jedi healers were all capable professionals with access to nothing short of the best medical supplies and treatment options that the Galaxy had to offer – but what if that wasn’t sufficient? </p><p>Expertise and luxury could only do so much. What guarantee did he have that the healers would do <em>everything</em> in their power to save her, when the Jedi thought so little of the life of the individual? </p><p>Who could promise him that they would fight tooth and nail for her life and not give up, when at the heart of the Jedi philosophy lay the ideal of dispassion, of accepting perceived inevitability and letting go?</p><p>
  <em>If my Padawan has perished,</em><br/>
<em>I will mourn her,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>but I will celebrate her as well</em><br/>
<em>through her memory.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, I still plan on celebrating this</em><br/>
<em>victory with my Padawan, in person.</em>
</p><p>-</p><p>
  <em>”Chancellor, hey. It’s me. Look, something has happened and I really need your help. I'll make this quick. As Commander-in-Chief of the GAR, you must have at least some jurisdiction over… well, any given matter pertaining to your soldiers? Look, I need you to abuse your power a little. It’s nothing serious – I mean, it is, but… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'll explain in a minute. It's just that I – well, you know me. I'm not someone who can just be told to sit on the sidelines and wait for the universe to do its thing, not when there's even the slightest possibility that there's something I could do to help. And you popped into my head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>”So, uh… Senator Amidala tells me that Naboo is widely known for its advanced healthcare and medical expertise. You…  you happen to know any of such experts?”  </em>
</p><p>-</p><p>Anakin felt it before he saw or heard anything, energies shifting in the Force. The same sixth sense that had told him he was being watched earlier now drew him to the door of his quarters and right past the temple sentinels that were indeed standing guard a polite distance away. The masked guards jolted into momentary alertness, which then quickly eased when Anakin didn’t head for the turbolifts that would have taken him to the medical wing, but proceeded to dart down the stairs that would eventually lead him down to the main entrance. </p><p>At the top of the temple steps, some kind of commotion had broken between what seemed to be several members of the Jedi Council and the Supreme Chancellor himself, who stood there surrounded by an entourage of his own. An entourage of important-looking people dressed in shades of clinical white. </p><p>”All due respect, sir, your involving yourself in this matter is most unexpected <em>and</em> uncalled-for,” Master Windu was fussing around, ”and quite frankly, insulting. I am not sure which one of your wartime powers grants you the right to override our autonomy in this manner, but I am not questioning its validity. What I do take issue with is the implication that we Jedi are suddenly not capable of looking after our own.”</p><p>”Master Windu, I assure you, there is no need to twist this into a political tug-o’-war. I am well aware that your medical facilities have been short-staffed ever since we entered this regrettable war. In no way do I doubt your healers’ abilities nor their devotion to their duty, but as I said, I am here to help. Master Skywalker personally requested my assistance in providing –”</p><p>”<em>Skywalker</em> requested this nonsense? Skywalker is in enough trouble as it is, without your helping him in that reg–”</p><p>At the sight of Anakin sailing down from the stairs, Windu's words screeched to a halt, though there wasn't a trace of embarrassment present on his unamused features.  </p><p>”Hello, Anakin,” the Chancellor greeted lightly. He gestured toward the people trailing behind him, ”With your permission, my hand-picked team of medical professionals will be taking over your Padawan’s post-surgery treatment.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>kind of a slow, ponder-y chapter I know, but things will take a turn soon… ;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>